#Jackass imagine

[berzahoes]

i love you | johnny knoxville

summary: just some moments with johnny and the reader

an: yes i’m watching jackass 🫶🏼

PARTY BOY

johnny was busy taking a shower while you did your skin care routine. the jackass crew had made it to the uk and everyone was tired. you were more annoyed than tired, it seemed like every little thing annoyed you from waiting too long for the elevator to johnny’s snoring on the plane.

“did you call your mom? she wanted you to call when we land,” johnny said as he washed his body. he got no response so he slightly moved the curtain so he could look at you. “did you hear me?”

you hummed and continued washing your face. “yeah, call my mom although i’m pretty sure she won’t pick up since, you know, time zones.”

“are you going to be mad at me during the whole trip? i said sorry.”

you rolled your eyes and continued washing your face. while checking in, the receptionist of the hotel had said some flirty comments to johnny right in front of you and what did johnny do? he laughed it off then later when you were unpacking a little, he explained that he laughed because he was he didn’t know how to respond.

“come on, i know i was an asshole-” he saw the side eye you gave him. “i am an asshole, but this asshole loves you and you’re not getting rid you me that easily. you’re stuck with me, baby.”

“you’re still an asshole.” you mumble, grabbing a towel to dry your face.

then someone had knocked on the door, you still didn’t move from your spot, which johnny noticed. “you’re not getting the door, are you?”

“you’re so smart, philip.” you replied. through the mirror, you saw him sigh and carefully got out of the shower. you were being nice so you handed him a small towel.

“who is it?” johnny asked as he opened the door then saw that it was chris and tried to close the door.

“it’s party boy!” chris forced his way into the bathroom where he saw you in your sweat pants and bralette. “let’s party!” he danced around you then got into the shower with johnny, who couldn’t stop laughing.

“why did i open the door?” johnny laughed.

you joined their laughter as you saw the camera crew enter as well. “i’m not even tired anymore.” you watched as chris danced in the shower. after a while, you forgot you were even mad.

SILVER FOXVILLE

the filming of ‘jackass forever’ had to stop due to a virus so everyone had to stay home. you liked it since you could finally spend more time with johnny. you two did many things to get rid of your boredom like puzzles, bake, watch movies, sleep, swim in your pool and even more sleep.

during quarantine, johnny had decided to stop dyeing his hair. you didn’t think much of it since at some point everyone starts going gray, but once you saw johnny with his silver hair, you couldn’t keep your hands off of it.

when filming for the movie resumed, johnny was now sporting a full gray hair look and you loved it. in the mornings, you would run your hands through his hair, compliment him, play with it. he just looked even better.

when you and johnny arrived to the jackass forever set, all eyes were on him. jeff immediately let out the loudest laugh when he saw johnny.

“who are you and what have you done with knoxville?” jeff chuckled then he turned to you. “you’re dating an old man.“

“jeff, i can literally see your grays from here.”

GQ COUPLES QUIZ

“hi everyone! we are here to take the couple’s quiz.” you smiled. you and johnny were sat across from each other with flash cards in your hands with questions written on them. after many years of knowing, dating and marriage, you seemed pretty confident.

“okay, we actually did a game of rock, paper, scissors and johnny won so he goes first.” you explained.

“sorry sweetheart, you suck at that game, but i love you. okay, what is my middle name? we’re starting off easy.” johnny said.

without thinking, you immediately answer. “john. if i say your full name, do i get bonus points?”

“we can make up our own rules. i’ll give ‘em to you. but only because i love you.”

“love you too, philip john clapp.”

“next question, you watch snl right? have i ever hosted saturday night live?” johnny asked.

“no?” you weren’t sure if johnny was even allowed to be on snl, you were convinced all the jackass guys were banned.

“you’re breaking my heart, babe. you were there! system of a down performed and you watched them perform.” johnny scoffed.

“no, i remember system of a down but i don’t remember you hosting if i’m being honest. congratulations, i guess.” you laughed as johnny rolled his eyes.

“i really hope you get the next questions right. what was my number in the royal rumble match? again, you were there.”

“easy, number nine,” you confidently said. “nine is my lucky number.”

“really? mines sixty nine.”

[michelle-is-writing]

Forgotten Dinner, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.7k~

Warning: Little bit of angst, forgotten anniversary, sexual themes mentioned

The food in front of me made me sick to my stomach, seeing all of it just sit there without having been touched. A couple hours of putting it all together and setting it up seemed like a waste now as I haven’t even taken a bite of it since I put it on the table. I wanted to wait for Johnny to get home, but even though he had told me he’d be sure to be at home by 6, I still find myself alone as the clock on the stove turns from 10 to 11 pm. Today isn’t our marriage anniversary, but it is the anniversary of the day we met, so I wanted to surprise Johnny with dinner and a new lingerie set I got. It doesn’t help that he’s not answering the phone either, and I’m starting to feel like it all of this was a waste now.

Choosing to head to bed instead of wait up any longer, I put all of the food away in the fridge and lazily toss the dirty dishes in the sink before heading out of the kitchen. Just as I reach the hallway, the sound of keys in the door stop me, leaving me to turn toward the front door and watch Johnny walk in. He wears a laughing grin on his face until he sees me by the hallway, still dressed in the velvet dress I picked out for tonight. At the same time, my eyes catch the butterfly bandages stripped across his eyebrow and the several bandages wrapped around his forearm.

“Hi, baby,” he says, an almost awestruck look currently on his face as he takes in my appearance. He certainly looks pleasantly surprised. “You look… fucking fantastic, what are you all dressed up for?” Hearing his words make me smile, but I still feel a small bit of heart ache at the reminder of the food I made and how much planning I put into tonight.

“Um, nothing anymore,” I almost mutter, reaching hand up to mess with the clip in my hair as I look to the carpeted floors. “You told me you were going to be home at 6, what happened?” I can’t help but ask him, crossing my arms in front of me as I swallow down the nauseous feeling in my throat.

“Jeff asked me if I could help film another skit with the guys, so I stayed to help them and kind of hurt myself,” he tells me, still lingering by the front door as he continues looking me up and down with that same facial expression. However this changes in a few moments as an almost scared look takes over him. “I… I think I forgot something important, what did I forget? What is today?” He asks, now closing the door as he begins racking his brain. Before he gets too far, I stop him and simply inform him by reminding him of today’s date.

“It’s the day we met,” I bitterly remind him, watching the color drain from him. My stomach somehow churns even more seeing the guilt take over his face. “You told me you’d be home at six, but it’s eleven now. I made dinner, it’s in the fridge. I think I’m just going to… go take a shower and go to bed,” I say, shaking my head lightly.

Just as I begin to turn to head up to our room, Johnny stops me. “What? I just got home, don’t you want to stay up for a little?” He asks, stepping into the middle of the living room. “Baby I’m so sorry I completely forgot today, please, I’d love to spend time with you.”

In any other moment, I would’ve smiled at the sweet words leaving his lips, but knowing he forgot that today was the day we met and that we had plans makes the smile stay away. “I think I’ve stayed up long enough,” I say to him, turning my face down to the floor again. “Goodnight, Johnny.”

Before he says anymore, I head up the stairs and into our room where I close our door and let my tears fall. He stayed back for the guys on the one night we discussed him being home on time. If only he could’ve done this any other night, then the issue wouldn't be as severe. There have been many nights in the past where Johnny has stayed late on set, but even then, he texted me on those nights to tell me - unlike tonight when he wouldn’t respond to any of my texts or calls.

After locking our bedroom door, I walk into our bathroom and stand in front of the counter. Staring into the mirror, I watch as my mascara slowly rolls down my face, causing me to wipe it away with a tissue. I really liked my makeup and outfit tonight, and I was really looking forward to Johnny seeing me dressed up tonight and how he might react. Although, I was anticipating how he would react to what I have on underneath my dress more.

With a small sigh, I throw the tissue in my hand away before sliding the straps of my dress down with the rest of the material following it. Looking back into the mirror, I run my hands down my lace clad hips and up to the straps of the matching lacy bra. As I adjust the straps to better hold it’s contents, I step back to look at myself in our mirror and smile. At least I like the way I look tonight. The set came with a waist band that connects to the underwear and it only helps to accentuate my waist and hips even more. I was hoping Johnny would enjoy it too.

A loud crash beside me scares me away from the sink and over to the bathroom window that is now open as Johnny clambers through it, putting his upper body through before almost throwing his legs in behind him. At the same time he does this, his head hits the corner of our bathtub, causing a groan to leave his lips as he crumbles on the floor and I rush toward him. Despite my questions over his head, Johnny barely pays attention to his own pain as his focus shifts to my lingerie clad body. “You were wearing that? For me?” He asks, still lying in the floor unmoving as if he were awestruck. “Baby, holy shit, when did you get this set?”

“Johnny, that’s not important!” I exclaim as I get on my knees beside him to observe his head. He didn’t crack it open, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t give himself yet another concussion. “You hit your head!”

“It’s not the first time, don’t worry please,” he reminds me, moving to sit up with a small smile. “I deserve it after making you wait for me all night dressed like this,” Johnny adds, looking me up and down with a sigh. “I’m so sorry, babe, after I got hurt, we sat around and iced all of our injuries. Not to mention, I broke my phone during the fall too,” he further explains, “I’m so, so sorry I forgot about tonight.”

After a few seconds, I sigh and brush the hair away from Johnny’s forehead where a goose egg is already forming. “I wouldn’t say you deserved to hit your head, specifically,” I tell him, “You’re not good at remembering dates, I know that; mostly because of the many times you have hit your head in the past,” My comment earns a guilty smile from Johnny as he turns to look away, knowing he can’t deny it. “But I do wish you would’ve been home earlier.”

“I should’ve been, and I am so sorry, baby,” he apologizes once more, closing his eyes before turning his head back to me. “You have no idea how sorry I am. I hate that I made you wait up, I hate that I’ve made you cry,” he adds, his eyes now open as he moves a hand up to brush against my previously tear stained face. “I’ll start being home by 6 every night, I’ll bring you flowers every week, I’ll let you tase me, whatever you want - please forgive me.”

His offers make me want to giggle, but I want to try and stay as serious as I can for right now. “I have a few ideas,” I tell him, taking his hands in mine before helping him stand up. He doesn’t wobble or anything, which is good; at least he doesn’t seem to have yet another brain injury to add to the long list of previous ones. For a few moments, Johnny looks me up and down like he did when he was on the floor, albeit this time, he doesn’t look so dopey. “Why don’t you start by helping me out of this?”

At my suggestion, he grins. “Of course, but babe,” Johnny starts, letting go of my hands to wrap one arm around my waist while he grabs my leg with his other hand. All the while, I brace myself on Johnny by holding onto his shoulders as he pulls me flush against him, my leg now curled around his hip with his arm keeping it secure there. “Tonight’s all about you, and I know it’s our anniversary but you deserve so much tonight,” he further tells me, sincerity deep in his voice. “I promise, I’ll try my hardest to make it up to you.”

After a few moments, I smile at Johnny. “I’ll hold you to that,” I tell him, earning a smile back from him. “I love you, Johnny, even when your bad memory gets the best of you,” I add, causing him to laugh before connecting our lips. At the same time, he takes his arm away from my waist to pick my other leg up and hold me, causing me to cling to him even more as he begins carrying me to our shared bed. Lying me down on it, Johnny breaks our kiss and pulls away to smile down at me.

“I love you too, baby,” he murmurs, staring at me with a hazed look in his eyes. That is, until a smirk makes its way onto his face. “Now, just relax,” Johnny tells me, his hands sliding underneath the lace of my bra as he perches himself between my legs. “And I’ll show you just how sorry I am.”

[missusdunn]

Bam Margera X f!reader X Ryan Dunn pt.1

Warnings!! - Smut, Oral f!giving, cussing, 18++++

Dating Bam Margera threw you into a lot of spontaneous adventures. The parties, impulsive trips across the world, dangerous stunts. It became normal to expect the unexpected. The only predictable thing about Bam was his selfishness especially when it came to you. You are his and his only. You couldn’t even have a friendly conversation with another man without Bam going into a bitch fit. However, there is one exception. Ryan Dunn. They’re a two-in-one deal. You can’t get close to one without the other. And Bam trusts Ryan so no reason for jealousy. Just a trio of pals.

One night, Ryan invites the two of you to his apartment to drink and hang out. Anticlimactic but fun nonetheless. You and Bam head over there with a bottle of vodka and let yourselves in. “Oh hey, you two! Thanks for knocking, so considerate!” Ryan greeted. Bam chuckles and says “Don’t act like you don’t walk into my house like that, asswipe.” “Whatever,” Ryan grabs the vodka from Bam “this’ll make up for it.” I roll my eyes, kick off my shoes, and make my way to the couch. Bam follows suit and Ryan goes to the kitchen to get cups. Bam stretches and melts into his seat. “Finally a night to relax with my two favorite people.” He smiles and puts his arm over my shoulder. I playfully roll my eyes “Don’t be sappy just to get into my pants later.” He sarcastically puts his hands up “Sorry, sorry.” He smirks. “I have better tactics anyway.” He cups my face with his right hand and leans in for a kiss. Of course, I kiss back and it doesn’t take long until his tongue is in my mouth. After a few more seconds Ryan is back. “Excuse me but I’d appreciate it if you two didn’t fuck on my couch!” He says playfully. “We’re not fucking, Dunn,” Bam grumbles with a slight pout having cut the make-out short. “Yet. Thank god I stopped it just in time.” Ryan says placing cups on the coffee table. I laugh and pick up my glass to fill with liquor. Ryan stops me from picking up the bottle and pours it for me. “Oh, such a gentleman,” I say sarcastically while taking a sip. “Anything for you, darling.” He playfully winks filling up the other two glasses. “You fuckers know I’m right here right?” Bam rolls his eyes as Ryan and I laugh. Bam grabs the remote and tosses it to Ryan. “Put some shit on, Dunn let’s get fucked up.” As he chugs his first round.

A couple hours later we’re all buzzed. It didn’t take long for the TV to become background noise. After multiple conversations filled with slurs and giggles the topic of Ryan’s love life came up.

“You really haven’t been getting any lately?” Bam laughs. “Dude it’s not a big deal!” Ryan defends himself. “I’ve just been busy!” Bam continues to laugh “Yeah you’re so busy binge drinking on your couch!” Ryan’s brows furrow “fuck you.” I hit Bam on the shoulder and give Ryan a sympathetic look. “Ry, there’s no shame in not having sex! Not everyone can be sexually active twenty-four seven.” I say “Unlike some whores…” I motion to Bam. Ryan lets out a chuckle and Bam rolls his eyes. “If I’m a whore that would make you one too, idiot,” Bam argues. “Oh babe you and I both know that’s not how it works,” I sigh “Your body count is 10x times mine!” “Whatever since you’re fucking me you’re a whore by association.” He snickers. “You’re such an idiot.” I sip my drink. Bam smirks and leans in. “Your idiot.” Kissing me and turning it into a full-on make-out session in less than ten seconds. That’s gotta be a record.

Ryan groans. “Again please do that anywhere else.” Bam pulls away and looks at his friend. “Yknow what just fucking join, Dunn.” Ryan’s eyes go wide and I’m too shocked to say anything. “What?” Ryan asks, thinking it’s a joke. “It’ll help with your blue balls that make you so pissy,” bam smirks “and I know how long you’ve wanted to fuck y/n.” Ryan keeps his eyes on Bam with red coating his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bam chuckles “Yes you do!” He points out “Before we started dating you, I would talk about all the things we’d do to her!” Now I’m the one with cherry-red cheeks. “Come on, Dunn you down or not?” Bam looks at me as if he’s asking with his eyes. “I’m down if Ryan’s down…” I stumbled out. Bam looks back at Ryan “Alright, let’s do it then.” Ryan agrees. Bam smirks in satisfaction and motions Ryan to sit next to me. Now I'm in the middle. Bam goes for my neck kissing and sucking. While I’m left looking into his friend’s eyes. Ryan hesitated a little bit but then kissed me like it was the end of the world. My throat vibrated with moans and Bam’s hands made their way to my chest. Groping me through my top before pulling it over my chest to expose my tits. I gasped into Ryan’s mouth from the sudden movements. Ryan pulls back to look at my breasts, groaning at the sight. He pushes Bam’s hands away and replaces them with his own. Bam immediately starts to kiss me sloppily. As Ryan has begun sucking on my tits making sure both nipples get the same amount of attention. My moans gradually increase the hotter it gets. I push both the boys away from me. They give me a confused and concerned look. Before they could say anything I got down on my knees in front of them. Their eyes widened in realization before slightly scooting closer together so they weren't too far apart. I began to palm them through their jeans, both of them already hard. “I need you both now,” I whine. Immediately the two start fumbling with their belts whipping their dicks out.

I spit onto both of my hands and begin to jerk my boyfriend and his best friend off. Bam’s groaning and Ryan has his eyes closed letting out breathy moans. I wrap my mouth around Bam’s dick and begin to deep throat him. Trying to get his cock covered in as much saliva as possible. As my left hand continues to stroke Ryan’s Bam grabs my hair and pushes me down on his length a bit more. Groaning when he reaches the back of my throat. I push back off his lap and replace my mouth with my hand. I shift my attention to Ryan and I start to suck the tip of his cock, swirling my tongue around it. And jerking off his shaft twisting up and down. Ryan’s heavily breathing with his eyes locked on mine. I continue to switch between the two men with my mouth, whilst jerking the other one off. Bam’s moans get louder letting me know that he's close. I have a hand on each of the men's shafts. I begin to firmly stroke Bam, twisting up and down. My tongue hovers over his tip waiting for his cum. With a final groan, Bam shoots his load onto my face. From the lewd image of my face covered in cum Ryan finishes in my hand. “Shit.” Ryan curses. I move my face towards my cum-covered hand and clean it up with my tongue. Both boys catch their breaths before sharing a chuckle. “I can’t believe we just fucking did that.” Ryan laughs. “I remove my hands from them, cleaning myself up with a nearby throw blanket. “Consider it an early Christmas present.” Bam continues. “You may wanna wash this…” I smirk, tossing the soiled blanket at Ryan. The two laugh as I get up to go to the bathroom. Until Bam interrupts my movements “Hey, where are you going? It’s your turn.”

[olivia091108]

how to be a jackass Introduction

Word count:1.k

Tonight I’m going out with my sister and her boyfriend because apparently ‘I need to get a a life’ which I think is kinda rude but the only reason she’s saying that is because her and her boyfriend are thinking of moving out together but I don’t know anyone around town and she doesn’t think I’m responsible. She’s right

“Are you kidding me we need to leave in a half hour and your still in your pyjama’s chop chop”she claps her hands in my face.

She can get quite stressed when it comes to me I wasn’t the easiest to grow up with I was a bit of a hothead we both have a few stories from tell of our fights which she still has a scar form that she never shuts up about

“Alright calm down I have loads of time” I push myself off the sofa and just as I walk past her I barge her against the wall and quickly scurry to the bathroom and lock the door before she gets crazy.

I walk into my room with a towel wrapped round my body and one in my hair and flick the tv on just to have some noise in the background it was an alright show jackass that I would watch when I get back late and nothing else is on except teleshoping. I don’t have anything against it but they need to step it up cos I know give me 10 or 20 bucks I’ll do anything they do.

I find an old shirt from when I was like 15 or something and picked up some jeans that were laying on the floor before slipping on some shoes.

“See I’m ready in what 5 minutes you need to take some Xanax I swear”

“Your hair is literally dripping” I flip my head back and forth no doubt getting it on her. And walk down to her boyfriend Oliver who was gonna drive us.

Once we get their it’s already kicking off and walk towards the bar but some grown men are standing there ignoring me while I ask them to move so I manage to budge my way through them and get a rum and coke.

I start to sweat being surrounded by 15 people who clearly know nothing about personal space. I see my sister and Oliver talking to some dude and my sister starts pointing me out and calling me over.

Y/n come here so you know that show you love jackas-

Love? No I don’t love it I don’t even like it that much but what does that have to do with anything?

“Y/n”she says my name like my mum used to when I would break something she jerked her head to the man just standing there and at first I’m confused but then I realise who he is Oh shit

you don’t like the show sweetheart?the leader of the show asks

“I mean It’s alright but you could do better.” He laughs a bit at my words “oh yeah what then?”

“Nah I didn’t mean to be rud- no I’m serious what do you think”

“Do more nasty shit or more extreme stuff and more painful stunts all in saying is anything you lot do I could do if I knew I was getting paid or just for a laugh”

Ill buy you a drunk if you make out with that man at the bar he points to a fat man who is drenached with sweat and is missing a tooth at the bottom

“Easy.”

I walk over to him and straight up grab his face and kiss him slipping my tongue and feel him grab a handful of my ass and a few seconds later pull away and walk back over to Johnny using the bottom of my shirt to try and wipe my tongue

“Ok your’e turn Pants that biker playing pool” Johnny looks at him and he looks like he will smash his face in. He walks over there and waits till he has his back to him and as hard as he can yanks his jeans down with his boxers coming as well exposing his bare crack Johnny turns round and ores tends to be in a conversation with some random lady.

The man pulls Johnny to face him and holds him by the colour getting redder and redder. His friends start crowding him and they look like they’re gonna jump him so I walk over and tell him.

“Sir they ran into the bathroom he didn’t do it.”

He lets go of Johnny and storms towards the bathroom with his friends following hot on his heals. I burst out laughing making my eyes water.

“I was about to get my ass kicked”Johnny said joining in on your’e laugh.

The night progressed like this having a couple drinks doing some dares. I didn’t even know that Olivier and my sister left. Some of his fiends joined in.

Running along the bar naked then getting pushed off -Chris

I poured salt in my eye

Ehren getting pool balls thrown at him.

And obviously Steve o lit himself on fire spreading it onto my hair

And so on by the end we were all drunk as fuck and had been kicked out.

I wake up with a throbbing head ache and open my eyes but getting blinded by the lights once they adjust I’m in the bath but I don’t recognise it. I get out and try and find out where I am I hear voices so I walk towards it and then it clicks.

We got kicked out and went back to Steve os apartment carrying on the night everything else’s is a bit hazy right now.

I see all of them in the living room chatting and I also see Steve o wearing my shirt that is 4 sizes too small and some boxers.

Hey Steve o can I have my shirt back I groggily ask making them look towards me probably forgetting I was here.

Yeah dude. He takes it off and throws it at me and I take off the one in wearing and give it to him.I turn around and change

“Dude that bruise is gnarly” I look down at my hip bone and see it decorated with a purple bruise from when I tried to break the door down.

“Y/n you weren’t bullshitting last night we’re you? Johnny asks

“What about?”

“Well we were thinking you were right we gotta be more exciting and you seemed pretty into it would you wanna join.”

“No offence babe but Johnny she was drunk as shit she won’t do any of it sobre”

“Try me.”

Time skip

“Im y/n y/l/n and this is electric mouse trap.”

I stick out my tongue and let Chris clip it on to my tongue and immediately feel the electricity. I Jump around in pain trying to keep it in as long as I can to prove to them I can do it. I Shake my head and rip It off my tongue and It feels numb. I try to speak but all that’s coming out is jibberish and everyone including myslef laugh.

“Welcome to jackass y/n”

Guys I’m baaaack

This will be a slower burn series of bam x reader and jackass girl don’t know how often I will post but I’ve planned at least 3 chapters and I’m so excited message me any headcannons you wnat in this

Ik bam wasn’t in this but just you wait

My requests are still open

-liv

[babybammargera]

Bunny and Baby Lifeguards on duty

Party boy x fem reader (early jackass era)

You’re sitting on the floor of the van brainstorming ideas for skits with the boys and Jeff. Normally you’d get thrown into something chaotic with Ryan or maybe Ehren but apparently, fans like it when you interact with Party Boy. Jeff looks at you, “How do you feel about doing the lifeguard bit with Pontius?” You shrug and look up from your iPod, “depends on the context. “Tony Hawk just bought a house and the pool is currently empty. And we somehow convinced him to film a bit with Bam, Dave, Steveo, Ehren, and Weeman where they're skating the pool basically slamming into each other trying to skate and you two get to shoot them with paintball guns and look pretty in bikinis. You in?” You crack a smile, “Chris is prettier than me and pulls off a bikini better but I'm down, Bam and Sleepo have been pranking me a ton this week so I'm ready to get them back.”

The next day the crew arrives at the house and everyone is setting up and getting ready. You had already gotten dressed for the day, A black bikini top with the jackass logo on it and short black shorts to match. You touch up your makeup and hair in the mirror then head outside. Pontius bounces up full of energy wearing a full cheetah print bikini with matching bunny ears, “Hey if there's time could you braid my hair in two fishtail braids it's fucking hot.” You nod and sit down on one of the pool chairs Jeff had brought for the bit, “Pigtails?” He settles on the ground between your feet smiling, “You know me so well.” Despite how long his hair is you make quick work of the task and finish them just as Jeff gathers everyone up for filming, “Okay so here's the paintball guns I'll let you two figure out how you wanna introduce the bit but we've settled on Pool of Pain for the name.” he runs to his director's chair and sits down. Pontius strikes a “sexy” pose as Spike starts filming, “Hi I'm Bunny the lifeguard and I'm here with my friend and the true eye candy of jackass y/n and she's helping me on lifeguard duty today at the pool.”You look over your sunglasses at the camera and smile, “This is the Pool of Pain and trust me there's gonna be a lot of it.” You turn as the camera pans to the other boys and nail Steveo right in the leg with a brightly colored paintball. One by one they drop into the pool narrowly avoiding each other at first but then quickly beginning to collide as they try to avoid the paintballs. Ryan is the first to bail scrambling out of the pool tossing the battered-up skateboard he probably borrowed from Bam to the side, “All right I'm out!” You crack up at the sight, “Come on Ry can't take the heat?” He flips you off and lays in the grass. Soon the others follow suit one by one crawling out of the empty pool with various bruises and scrapes splattered with neon paint. Steveo gets close to the camera wiping his face with his shirt, “That fucking sucked dude.” Jeff giggling behind the monitors calls it a wrap. Adjusting your top you glance at your partner in crime for the day, “Ya know if you take away the paintballs it looked pretty fun.” Tony walks by and puts his helmet on your head, “Go skate if you want.” You make a face and set the sweaty helmet to the side before picking up Bam and Steveo's discarded boards, “care to join the party Pontus?” He grins and takes off his bunny ears, “hell yeah!”

[stratossphere]

i am BEGGING for ville x tattoo artist reader . porn w plot or sm like he fucks reader after a few sessions and reader thinks he hates her but he’s frustrated or whatever IDKKKKKK

ink | v.v

the problem client has a thing for his artist.

warnings: smut, fem!reader, fingering, protected sex, reader has a hand over her mouth, just people being straight up horny

word count: 7.4k

a/n: this took me such a long time but i’m proud of it :) also once again i appreciate all of your genius ideas

tags: @asskickedbygirl @lieutenant-cinnamon-roll @kissofdawn666 @brandons-wife @valos-venus-doom @ghoulishguns @4377666 @althaiascure

— —

Fuck. He was coming again.

You were always happy to take on new clients. You really were. But ever since Ville Valo's usual artist had moved and holed himself away what seemed to be for good, you'd been stuck with his bitchiest client.

Ville was...interesting. Not horrible, per se, like some of your clients definitely were, but he was certainly one of the nitpickers. It had been a while since you'd last seen him, and the last time he'd been in was to get some chick's name tattooed on his chest (or at least you'd assumed, considering he'd refused to tell you what 'Mäy' was), but even then he'd complained and spent the whole time watching you work meticulously.

And yet, despite the nitpicking, here he was back for more.

You would've been lying if you said you might've been a little nervous not because he was picky, but because he was really fucking hot. Obviously, bitchy attitude or not, you couldn't deny that he was attractive, and the ones with an attitude were definitely your type. But you'd literally been tattooing a name on him, so you'd held back on any of those thoughts.

But holding back on those thoughts became a lot harder when you saw him walk into the shop from where you were cleaning up your studio from your last tattoo. His hair had grown considerably, he looked a lot healthier than the last time you'd seen him, and he still had that unimpressed frown on his face as he talked to your receptionist. You leaned back in your stool so that he could see you from where he was standing, raising an eyebrow as he glanced over and noticed you were there.

"Wow. I almost forgot you existed." You said truthfully, smiling as he came around to step into your studio. Considering his original tattoo artist had worked with you, you had seen him a lot back in the day when he had been filling up quickly on tattoos after he'd started with his wrist. Albeit, you'd never actually talked to him before his first tattoo with you, but you'd known him and he'd known you regardless.

"Yes. Hello to you too." He said dryly, waving a piece of paper in his hand as he shut the door of your studio behind him after stepping fully into the room. "I'm getting a coverup."

"Which one?" You were warily eyeing both the half-sleeve of portraits he had on one arm and the full sleeve he had on the other, because covering up either of those sounded extremely unappealing considering how dark the ink work was on both. He chuckled lowly as you pushed back in your stool to let him sit down in the chair.

"The last one you gave me." He admitted, handing over the piece of paper in his hand when you offered your hand out for it. It was a picture of a woman, and you were satisfied at getting the chance to do another portrait. He seemed to have an addiction to them, considering that every time you saw him, he always came back with more.

"Shit. Was my handwriting bad?" You joked, consciously aware of how long this tattoo was going to take, and additionally how long that meant you'd be around him shirtless. You were really trying to harness maturity here, but you couldn't be held responsible for what occurred inside your own brain. Although, with eyes as intense as his, you weren't sure he couldn't see right inside with you.

"No, it was acceptable. Things just change, and I'm a new man these days." Ville said calmly as he watched you get started on his stencil, his fingers drumming in a concise rhythm on the arm of the chair as he spoke. You shot him a knowing look.

"So I was right. It was a girlfriend's name." You'd been trying to guess the last time he'd been in the shop, but he hadn't even given you a hint. He'd originally said that it was not his girlfriend's name, but now it was pretty obvious that there was no way he had been telling the truth. He paused for a second, sighing softly.

"Not exactly." Once again, very vague. You rolled your eyes because you knew he couldn't see, laughing softly to yourself.

"One time, I tattooed a guy's name as a tramp stamp on a client, and then the next day her boyfriend came in screaming in my face because I tattooed his brother's name on his girlfriend." You revealed conversationally, knowing that if you didn't say something, Ville would be perfectly fine with letting the room fall into dead silence for the entire predicted four hours he'd be in your chair. He had been the client infamous for bringing handfuls of CDs to every single one of his appointments and blasting them loud enough to fill every single studio on the shop before he'd been dumped on you, but you had a feeling he refused to do so with you because he thought you wouldn't like the same music. Which meant you were stuck with his hatred for conversation.

"That feels pointed." Ville muttered, tilting his head to shoot you a look just as you glanced over at him. You snorted, busying yourself fully with the stencil so that you could avoid that intense gaze.

"It might've been. I don't know. I like to get at least a little bit of interesting information out of my clients once in a while." You said coyly, hearing the sound of his fingers picking up pace where they were still drumming on the arm of his chair. He paused for another moment, and when you glanced up to see if he was ignoring you, you were once again met with his startlingly-green eyes. He sucked his teeth.

"You're not going to like the story. No women do." He said very presumptuously, looking away from you with disinterest and instead leaning back in the chair slightly to look up at the ceiling. Once again, because he wasn't looking at you, you rolled your eyes.

"I've tattooed ballsacks, assholes, and dicks. I'm sure your story won't get me too bad." You said dryly, finishing up the stencil before you slid away from your desk and over to his chair to present it to him. "Look okay?"

"Yeah. Looks great." As he said it, Ville looked like he was trying to decide whether or not to actually tell you the story he was dancing around, and you were really trying to remain professional and not laugh as you watched him do so.

"Alright. Take off your shirt, and you can tell me the horrific story while I put this on." You instructed, remembering that the 'not' name was tattooed on the right side of his chest. He stood up to shrug off his jacket then, and you noticed he was looking at you curiously.

"You've really tattooed a dick?" He didn't sound like he believed you. You nodded, focusing your mind fully on the conversation at hand so that it didn't wander too far on the sight of him starting to pull his shirt over his head. When his head was blocked by the shirt and he couldn't see you, however, you let your eyes linger on the symbol tattooed on his lower stomach momentarily.

"Yep. And it was a cross, too." You muttered, shaking your head as you remembered how that appointment had gone. Every time you started to feel down about how difficult Ville sometimes made his appointments with you, you remembered those times and immediately started to feel a lot better. That pulled a slight chuckle out of him (only slight, mind you) as he tossed his shirt and jacket onto the chair meant for people tagging along against the wall.

"Well, I suppose you won't be too offended, then." He surmised, sitting back down in the chair in front of you with his top half now bare. You were always amazed with how well-sculpted his torso was considering you'd seen him drink enough to kill a medium-sized child in all the times he'd been inside the shop. "It is a name, but not of a person. It's uh...named after my ex-girlfriend's uh...you know. Private area, so to speak."

Okay. That did take you aback a little bit. You certainly didn't let it show, however, and only raised your eyebrows as you gingerly began to lay out the stencil over his chest and over the last tattoo you had done for him.

"Huh. Never would've guessed that one." You shot him an amused look, but he only looked surprised that you'd taken it so well. You silently wondered what kind of conservative nuns he'd been telling that story to. "Why 'Mäy', then?"

"Now I'm just going to sound stupid." He mused, lifting his arm above his head so that you could get a better angle on applying the stencil. God, he smelled good...

"Once again, a cross on a dick. You can't get much stupider." You repeated with reassurance, peeling the stencil and then inspecting the placement with satisfaction. You then pointed to the mirror across from the chair. "You can go check and make sure you like where it is."

"You know the American show SpongeBob, yes?" He asked absentmindedly as he got up to look at himself in the mirror, narrowing his eyes as he looked over his reflection. You were praying that he liked the placement, because you really felt as if it was in the best place for the shape of his chest.

"Yeah. My nephew watches that show all the time." You said, completely unsure of where he was going with this story as you waited for the verdict on whether or not he liked the stencil placement. "Look okay?"

"Do you think it does? I want the darkest part over the name." That surprised you. He was asking you instead of forcing you to bend to his bottomless pit of adjustments and requests. You motioned for him to come back, then narrowed your eyes at the stencil to make sure that the part where you would be putting the darkest parts of ink was covering the name. It was.

"Yeah. That'll cover it up completely." You nodded, moving out of the way to let him get back into the chair for the last time before you actually began to put the needle to his skin. "SpongeBob?"

"Oh, yeah. It's uh...well, you know, it's a kid's show, but it's damn funny. And there's a snail on that show that meows." Ville explained, motioning his hands animatedly as you set up your gun and the ink you would be using while you reclined the chair back so that he was laying down at the best angle for you to tattoo him.

"I vaguely remember that, yeah." Now you had even less of an idea where he was going with this story. His explanation still didn’t feel like a viable reason to allow him to call someone’s intimate areas the name of a snail.

"Well, when he meows, it sounds just like 'Mäy' in Finnish. Which doesn't really mean anything, so I kind of just made it into a nickname." He must've been able to see the bewildered look on your face, because he really sounded like he was trying to prove a solid reason for getting such a strange thing tattooed on himself. "That, or Gary, which is the snail's name."

"You called her pussy Gary?" You couldn't help yourself from blurting that out bluntly out of genuine shock, and you immediately winced. "Sorry. That was a bad way of saying that."

"No, no. That's about the best reaction I've gotten, actually." He muttered, shaking his head as he clearly thought about it. "It was a dumb thing to do, and I told every single person that asked me, so it's my own fault."

"Well, I'm glad I was apart of your terrible decision. And I'm glad you got Mäy tattooed instead of Gary." You snickered, letting your hand rest on his chest with your tattoo gun now buzzing in your hand. "You ready?"

"Stick it in."

For once, Ville actually seemed to be in the mood to talk, but for most of the appointment, it was vague answers and a mostly-uninterested tone. In all honesty, you were kind of bored with the man everyone claimed to be one of the most interesting on the planet.

So, when the tattoo was done, you were a little relieved. Sure, you were a fan of the fact that Ville was your best tipper out of all of your clients, and he at least had some interesting stories to tell, but something about him just made you a little uneasy. And it didn't help that you'd just sat through five hours of him being shirtless under your hand.

"Okay. Look in the mirror and give me your collective score." You said as you turned your gun off, letting him get up and out of the chair and then trying not to stare too hard at the muscles of his back as he stretched out.

"That felt really fucking quick." Ville commented as he stepped over to inspect himself in the mirror, tone sounding pleased with the fact. You stared at him for different reasons then, because that had felt like the longest tattoo session of your life, but didn't say anything on the matter. At least he was having fun. "Looks great. Maya Deren wouldn't be too appalled."

"Why thank you. Sure you don't want anything else added?" You asked as you peeled your gloves off, feeling more than relieved that he didn't seem to have any qualms with your work. You had no idea how he'd found problems with a three letter words, but not a portrait of someone's entire face.

"No, that'll be it."

—

And that was the last you saw of him. You expected he'd turn up in a couple years' time when he eventually found something else (or maybe got another name or face tattooed and needed that covered up as well) to get done, but you certainly didn't expect to see him when you walked into work hungover and tired only three days later.

"Jesus Christ." You nearly jumped out of your skin when you walked into your studio to see him already sitting there. He was handsome, you couldn't deny, but he was certainly scary when you weren't expecting him. "Didn't I just see you?"

"I came in for touch-ups." He explained, stretching out in the chair as if he couldn't have possibly belonged anywhere else. You narrowed your eyes.

"You need touch-ups? After three days?" This fucker. Seriously. He must've hated you. Or he just lived to torture every tattoo artist in your shop in general. Either one worked. "I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think you're my most difficult client."

"I'm not going to be back for a long time, and I figured I should make up for my last appointment." He scoffed, crossing his legs and looking over at you where you were still standing by the door of your own studio. You checked back in mentally, closing the door and setting your bag down on the floor before running your hands over your face.

"Alright, I guess. I appreciate the makeup." You mused as you walked over to where none of your stuff was set up, silently cursing him for arriving so early on the one day you'd come in late due to how shitty you'd felt when you had awoken that morning.

"What kind of hangover is it?" As you set up, his question surprised you, and you looked back to see him almost smiling. You didn't think you'd ever truly seen the sight in all of the appearances he had made in your shop over the years.

"What?" Was it really that easy to tell? Sure, you'd been forced to rush considering the fact that your still-kind-of-drunk brain had convinced you that the sound of your alarm was still apart of your dream, but you'd showered, at least.

As a matter of fact, he looked a bit cleaner than usual today, too.

"You're clearly hungover. What's it off of?" He repeated, and you could've sworn you saw him eyeing you over as he spoke. You deadpanned, because usually someone who looked hungover looked like shit, before sighing.

"Vodka shots." You admitted, pausing where you'd been in the middle of setting up to narrow your eyes at him. "Do I really look that bad?"

"Quite the opposite, actually." Those words took you by surprise, and you let your lips part slightly as he now visibly checked you out. What the fuck. You were really trying to ignore the way your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest as he shrugged. "I won't make you tattoo on a vodka hangover. I don't actually need the touch-ups."

You just stared at him, trying to comprehend both of the things that he had just said to you and failing to do so for both. "So...why are you here then?"

"Who knows why anyone is anywhere. I suppose it might have something to do with the fact that you're one of the only people I know that's bearable to be around in this godforsaken country." He spoke so casually, as if every one of his words wasn't shocking you more and more as they came out of his mouth one by one. Once again, you stared at him for a second before responding.

"Huh. I really thought you didn't like me." Multiple sessions filled to the unbearable brim with dry responses, irritated adjustments, and an overall air of disinterest had convinced you on the fact, but here he was in your studio requesting touch-ups he didn't even need with money he didn't even have to spend.

"Everyone thinks that. I've been told I'm a bit of a raging cunt." He snorted, waving you off when you went to resume your setting up in an attempt to bring your brain back into function. "Don't bother. The tattoo is fucking perfect."

"Well, I feel bad now. You already paid a deposit on the session." You insisted, unable to bite back a grin at his compliment of your handiwork. You weren't sure you wanted him to leave quite yet, despite the fact that you'd been more than eager to get him out of the shop the last time you'd seen him. He just seemed...different today. More at ease.

"Oh well." He said simply, shifting so that he could slip his hand into his pocket before he came up with a pack of Marlboro Lights and a shitty-looking red lighter. "Will smoke detectors go off in here?"

"No, they're broken." You waved him on to give him the go ahead to smoke, coming back over to where your working stool was before sitting down so that you were near his chair. "You're really going to pay to be in here for no ink?"

"I don't mind. It'll give you time to get over your hangover before you stick a needle into the next poor bastard who comes in here." He said with finality, that half-grin now permanently on his face as he spoke. He then absentmindedly offered his cigarette out to you, and when you looked at him in surprise, he held it out further. "It helps. Even if you don't smoke."

"I think it's against the rules to share spit with my tattoo clients." You teased as you took a long drag off of his cigarette. You did in fact smoke (albeit not his brand), and the soft burn in your lungs made you feel a little less jittery. His look changed at that, and you immediately realized how that sounded, but he didn't actually seem to mind. In fact, by the way his eyes dropped to your lips for just a split second before he was looking back to you, he didn't mind at all.

"Yeah? So you're against sharing spit in all forms?" This whole interaction was leading into a place where you really should not have let it be going, as Ville was in fact your client and you were in fact at work, but you couldn't help yourself. You weren't dumb enough to ignore that you had one of the hottest men you had ever seen in your studio currently flirting his ass off with you.

And, on top of that, it was obvious that Ville had a goal in mind. You could tell by the way he was obviously freshly-showered and in a much lighter mood, and you could definitely tell by the way he was currently wasting time away without a tattoo needle in him despite paying the deposit for an entire session. You shrugged, grinning slyly.

"Mm. Maybe not. Depends on which client I'd be sharing spit with." You said, acting as if you couldn't have possibly caught on to what he was trying to say. He nodded, watching you more than closely as you leaned over to grab an empty ink cap to ash the cigarette still between your fingers into.

"You know, I know a great hangover cure that works better than anything else." Ville said casually before he was turning in his chair so that he was facing you to the point where you were almost knee-to-knee. He still smelled just as good as he had last time you'd seen him, and you wondered if your head was spinning more because of your hangover or the man in front of you. You passed his cigarette back.

"Yeah? What's that?" You had a pretty good idea, but you liked this little game that he was playing. He did have a very appealing voice, after all. He took a long drag off of the returned cigarette, holding your gaze intensely the entire time before he spoke again.

"Fucking." The way he drew out the word almost made you lose it. Almost. He never stopped staring at you, studying your features as he gave his certified suggestion, and you spluttered in turn as you swallowed that information.

"Really? In a tattoo studio?" You managed to mumble out, your eyes dropping to where his free hand moved to rest over your knee. Your body had never reacted so viscerally to such a small touch, but that's exactly what it was doing now, and you felt your heartbeat in your throat. Among other places.

"I've done worse." When you looked back up at him, he was already smirking at you, and he looked nothing but sure of himself. He reached out to crush his cigarette out in the ink cap that was sitting on your table next to his chair, but he never moved back where his face had come right up in front of yours, and then he was kissing you.

Smoke drew out of his nose in thin tendrils as he kissed you softly, one hand coming up to cup your cheek while the other hooked under your stool and pulled it closer to him. You knew that this was extremely unprofessional, and that your boss would've kicked your ass if she would've seen what you were currently doing on paid time, but all you did was deepen the kiss as your knees brushed heavily against his.

"Are you sure?" This still didn't feel completely real, and you found yourself pulling back from the kiss as you looked at him with slight concern in your eyes. You were trying to let his plaguing indifference get to you, but it wasn't exactly easy. He didn't respond, just held your gaze tensely with arousal burning deep in his irises before he was hooking his fingers in your front belt loops and pulling you further forwards.

As your lips connected once again, you were quickly crawling into his lap, hands cupping either side of his face while his arms wrapped strongly around your hips to keep you against him as the both of you kissed hungrily. This was definitely not at all what your studio was meant for, and you didn't even know if your chair could healthily take the weight of two full grown adults, but you were too intoxicated by the taste of his tongue to care.

"Does the door lock?" Ville asked against your lips breathlessly after a moment, one hand holding himself in the chair and the other pushing underneath your shirt as you rocked your hips just slightly in his lap. His voice stuttered at that point, and his hand dropped from under your shirt to hold you in place tightly by your hip. You shook your head.

"No. The walls are thin, too." Although you normally would've been put off by those factors (in fact, you never would've caught yourself dead having sex anywhere near where you worked on a normal day), you could barely get them off your chest quick enough before you were kissing Ville again, starting to roll your hips again despite his grip.

"Can you be quiet, or am I going to have to put a hand over your mouth?" After a second, Ville broke away to speak those bold words into the open air, stealing the breath right from your lungs as he did so. When you didn't respond, mostly because you didn't trust yourself to form coherent thoughts in that moment, he nipped at your lip. "Turn around."

"But—" You were already in his lap, and you hadn't even removed any items of clothing yet, so you had no idea what he was planning. You had already fallen too deep into a haze of arousal to really care about anything other than him fucking you, so you felt panic creeping up the back of your neck at the thought of having to pull away from him. He shushed you softly, interrupting your protest.

"It'll be okay, love. We have time." Ville cooed, his head tipping forward so that he could press soft, warm kisses to your neck as he coaxed you into complying with his request. However, lucky for him, you were quickly becoming entranced by a man who you had started off your day thinking you hated, and you were moving to turn in his arms with just the touch of his lips on your sensitive skin. If any of your coworkers (who knew Ville very well, and not in a good way, considering the reputation his loud music and excessive drinking had brought him with his last artist) could see you now, you never would've heard the end of it.

Ville's hands stayed on you to guide you along with your own movements until you were laying with your back flush against his chest and your legs between his, his chin tucked over your shoulder the entire time. You felt your heart rate picking up when his hands began to explore; his fingertips on one hand dipping under your shirt hem while the other hand moved to rub over your thigh.

"You are so beautiful." His voice was like a song in your ear as his hands crept higher and higher, and you could only try to gasp air into your lungs as his fingers moved to find the button of your pants. The sound of your zipper slowly pulling open after he'd undone your button was enough to make your head spin violently. "I have to admit something."

"Yeah?" You were able to breathe out as your hand ghosted over his where he was just beginning to push it past your currently-open zipper, your thighs beginning to press together as he got closer and closer to where you really needed him.

"Every time you tattoo me, all I can do is picture what you'll look like when I fuck you." His voice barely made it past your ear as he suddenly drew both hands away from you, making the impatience sear in your chest before it was quickly soothed when he began to push your pants down your hips on either side of you. "God, I've wanted you for so long."

Well shit. If you had known that, this would've happened a lot sooner than today after knowing each other for around a decade.

"Ville. Please." You couldn't take his filthy mouth paired with the lack of his touch, and your plead was bursting from your lips before you'd even fully kicked off your pants once he'd pushed them down far enough. You were now almost bare in his arms, and you felt like you were going insane.

"Shh." Just as he shushed your impatience, Ville's fingertips touched to your clit for the first time, and your back arched involuntarily as your breathing audibly picked up at the feeling. Even with the first slow circle that his fingertips rubbed on your clit you were moaning, and Ville's free hand clapped over your mouth just in time to hide the sound. "Does that feel good, darling?"

You couldn't respond, but you knew he could tell by the subtle way your back was arching towards his touch as his fingers began to circle faster on your clit. His fingers were skilled, and in that moment you understood exactly why someone had not only let him call their pussy the name of an animated snail, but had also condoned him getting the sound said animated snail makes tattooed on himself.

You moaned hard against his hand when he slowly dipped two fingers into you, the new sensation making your entire body shudder as he continued to shush you softly in your ear. You were slightly worried about the idea of someone coming into your studio to check on you, but he seemed as if he couldn't have had less of a care in the world. In fact, it almost seemed as if he was leaving his hand a little loose over your mouth on purpose just so that he would be able to hear your moans.

"Slow down. Let me have fun." He purred in your ear at your squirmy movements and badly-controlled voice, his legs trapping you between themselves slightly to prevent you from moving any further. You mentally blanched through the fog in your brain at the implication that he was going to enjoy you allowing him to take his time fucking his fingers into you more than you would in any way, unable to respond to his request but instead trying your best to settle your overreactive nerves.

However, every attempt at calming yourself was immediately washed away by the intense waves of pleasure coursing through your body as Ville pumped his fingers deep and slow inside of you. You were completely at the mercy of his skilled touch; and he knew it too. You could tell he was enjoying his own little game with every shift of his fingers on your lips that allowed for the sharp sound of your voice to escape into the painfully-quiet room for a split second before he was quickly rendering you silent once again.

Ville may have been able to keep up this game for what you feared was an admirably long time, but you were starting to feel as if you were going insane, and you couldn't wait anymore. Your shaky fingers found Ville's hand against your mouth before you were peeling his own digits away from your lips, a whimper escaping once you were free to speak.

"I need you. In me. Please." You pleaded, your words stumbling out of your mouth unevenly as he continued to curl his fingers into you throughout your entire sentence. Never in your life could you have ever guessed that you'd ever find yourself begging a client to fuck you right there in your own tattoo chair, but Ville Valo wasn't just any client.

And not any client could use their fingers the way Ville Valo currently was.

"Can you handle it?" God, he was cocky. Sure, it had you a lot more weak in the knees than you were willing to admit, but that was nobody's business but your own. And you were sure it wasn't like he was going to decline your request even if it was revealed that you couldn't handle getting fucked in such a quiet environment. You, however, nodded quickly.

"Yeah. Promise." You didn't know if your answer was discernible between babbling and hurried, but at this point you really didn't care anymore. You had an end goal just as much as Ville did, and you really wanted it. "Please baby. I want you now."

"Yeah? How bad do you want it?" As he spoke, Ville gently pulled his fingers from inside you just as his hand dropped completely away from your mouth yet continued to let you hold onto it where you'd been holding it away. You gasped in a shaky breath at the feeling, shifting your hips in the confines of his legs on either side of you.

"I was so close, Ville. I'm begging you." You whined pathetically, pressed back far enough into his chest to where you could feel his warm breath against your cheek. He didn't respond, just shushed you softly once again, before suddenly his fingertips were brushing against your lips and he was pressing his long fingers into your mouth.

You savored the sound of his deep hum of arousal behind you as you sucked the taste of yourself off of his digits, swirling your tongue suggestively as you felt him begin to shift in a way that was not at all inconspicuous underneath you. You almost had him where you wanted him, and you could tell that his patience wasn't going to last much longer than yours had.

“Be patient, love. I’ll give you anything you want.” All too quickly, and despite his words, Ville was drawing his fingers out of your mouth. For a split second you felt frustration taking over at his refusal to give you even a hint of what you so desperately wanted, but your emotions were quickly settled when you felt him fumbling behind you.

He was undoing his belt.

You turned back to watch him, lip drawn between your teeth to (poorly) hide your eager grin as you listened to the sound of the metal buckle clinking. Ville clearly noticed you watching, and he was quick to catch you in a kiss as his hands hurriedly peeled his zipper open before he was slipping his jeans down his hips just enough to free his cock.

“Do you have a condom?” Through the haze in your own head, you pulled yourself together enough to mentally slap yourself in the face, because of course you didn’t have a condom. However, you never got the chance, because within seconds Ville had fumbled his wallet out of his jeans and had produced the requested condom.

Even with the tension and aroused urgency in the room, you couldn’t help but take a moment to snicker. “I didn’t realize you had already planned this shit out.”

“Maybe I might’ve been desperately hoping.” Ville hummed in joint amusement, his lips dipping to the crook of your neck as you turned away with the sound of him ripping the condom open. You didn’t miss the way one of his hands rubbed fleetingly across your ass as you repositioned yourself so that you were straddling him while still facing away as he visibly ate you alive with his eyes. “I have a thing for the ones that don’t like me.”

You laughed softly at that as he rolled the condom on. You definitely liked him now if nothing else, and you were about to reassure him that he really wasn’t as insufferable as he sometimes came off as, before you were abruptly thrown off by the feeling of the head of his cock sliding against your clit. He kept his free hand on your hip to assure that you couldn’t gain the upper hand against his merciless teasing, sliding his tip through your pussy a few more times before he was slowly pushing into you.

“Oh my god.” You whimpered out unconsciously, crumbling as if you were boneless against his chest almost immediately as he began to slowly fuck his cock up into you. His breathing had gone ragged the second that he’d pushed into you, and you could feel his chest heaving against your back as your ass pressed flush down into his lap and on his cock.

“Yeah. Fuck, just like that.” Ville encouraged as he ate up your pliance, one of his arms wrapping tight around your hips to hold you still as he fucked you smoothly. His thrusts were full and slow, and you silently wondered how someone could be so precise with such a pleasing torture as you moaned dizzily.

Despite how delicious the filthy mix of skin-on-skin and the shaky sounds falling from your lips in an increasingly-steady stream were, subtlety was close to flying out the window, and Ville was soon placing his free hand back over your mouth as he whispered for you to shut that pretty mouth. There was no space between your bodies now, and you felt as if you were molding backwards into him as his lips dragged hot against the sensitive skin of your neck.

“I know you wanted me. You touch more than anyone that’s ever tattooed me.” He cooed knowingly in your ear, his words only slightly separated by soft groans at the feeling of his cock mind-numbingly deep inside of you. He only continued as your face burned hot at the feeling of being found out for actions you had assumed were unnoticeable. “You needed me to fuck you bad, didn’t you, love?”

You couldn’t respond verbally, but you nodded as best you could as one hand covered his where he was still holding your hips tight against him. You felt as if you couldn’t put your scrambled brain back together enough to do anything else, and the pleasure was becoming too overwhelming for you to be able to just sit there and take it.

As fingers gripped tightly at skin and you moved desperately along with each other, the build of primal urgency between the two of you was climbing fast as you both chased your highs with desperation that could no longer be pushed down. Your head was almost resting back against Ville’s shoulder now, and his face was pressed into your neck to muffle his own loud groans.

“I can’t last. Holy shit, you feel so good.” He breathed out in ecstasy against your skin, his words drawn out and strained as the pace of his hips rolling up into you gradually starting to increase as he reached that near-hysteric level of pleasure.

You wiggled your hips down on his cock as you shifted and fussed in his arms, the pleasure of him fucking right into your sweet spot making you begin to shake and jolt in his arms harder than what you could cope with. Every inch of your skin felt hot and tingly, and your heart was racing in your chest as he grabbed your hand where it was over his as he held you and laced your fingers together.

Yeah, Ville Valo definitely wasn’t just any client.

He still didn’t let up his tight seal on your mouth as he continued to muffle your pleasure-drunk moans into almost nothing, so you had no way to warn him when you finally reached your climax. The added impact of the continued thrusts of his cock heightened your orgasm considerably, and your hips jolted hard and involuntarily as you close-to-hyperventilated through the pleasure that was igniting your every nerve.

Ville let out a long, stuttered groan right against your ear before you could tell he was cumming too, his grip tightening considerably on your hip while his hand dropped clean away from your mouth as he chased his own high. His thrusts were sloppy and desperate, but you still found yourself pressing your knuckles to your lips to replace his hand as you shook and whimpered through the aftershocks of his cock still sliding into you after your orgasm had faded into sharp sensitivity.

When Ville finally slowed to a stop as his still-ragged breathing sounded right alongside yours, his hand rubbed absentmindedly against your hip where he had let your hand go due to the impact of his climax. The room felt a little warmer than it had ten minutes ago, but you didn’t dare pull away from him yet as you tried to bring yourself down out of space and back into your brain.

“Fuck. If only all those fangirls knew what you were really like.” You mused hoarsely, your voice feeling dry in your throat after having Ville’s hand over your mouth for so long. When you regrettably had to force yourself to slowly pull off of his cock and turn out of his lap and onto your feet, you were met with just the smallest curl of his lips at your words.

“I told you I have a thing for the ones that don’t like me.” He reminded you coyly, clearly eyeing you as you focused yourself on retrieving and redressing in the pants you had abandoned on the floor. He was then up soon after you, peeling off his condom and discarding it in a trashcan that was normally only used for tattoo supplies. You snorted, not bothering to draw your eyes away while he tucked himself back into and rezipped his jeans considering he really wasn’t ashamed of his own stare.

“I thought it was obvious, but I wouldn’t have done any of that if I didn’t like you.” Your smart tone wasn’t lost on him, and you had barely pulled your pants and underwear back up over your hips before he was right up in your personal space with his eyes on yours as if he had deemed your pupils his home.

“Yeah? What are you going to do when I come back?” He sounded as if he was mostly curious, but you didn’t miss the way his pitch dropped as he studied you. You quirked your eyebrows as you finished redressing, not pulling back away from him.

“Depends on whether or not you’re getting a tattoo dedicated to someone when I see you next.” You couldn’t help yourself, alright? If he hadn’t been prepared for jokes, he should have never told you in the first place.

Ville rolled his eyes then, pulling back to shake his head as you laughed to yourself. You were paying half a mind to the fact that you were definitely going to have to do a serious wipe-down of your tattoo chair once he left the shop.

“Just…don’t quit on me like the last one did.” Although that was worded as concern over potentially losing a second tattoo artist in a span of a few years, you could see the suggestive look on Ville’s face as he said it, and you couldn’t hide your smile despite trying to cope with the fact that your time with Ville would soon be up for the next foreseeable year (at the very least).

“I’ll be right here where I was next time you come back.” You promised, knowing that even if it wasn’t for a while, you would always look forward to the time you got to see Ville Valo again. Maybe for other reasons now than before, but the notion still applied. You were sad to see that he had his shirt back on and all of his stuff together, but you knew he’d end up back on the shop’s doorstop with a half-soggy pack of cigarettes in one hand sooner or later. He neared the door then, and you felt your heart jolt as he winked at you.

“Who knows. Maybe I’ll actually get the ink I paid for next time I see you.” To your surprise, instead of immediately leaving, Ville pulled you in then, not giving you much room to protest before he was kissing you slowly. The taste, though now familiar, made your composure swim dangerously, and you fisted one hand in the worn material of his shirt as you indulged the urge to deepen the kiss. It was hard to break away when the both of you finally forced yourselves to. “Bye, Y/n.”

“Bye, Valo. I’ll see you when the booze sales go up again.”

[philipjohnclapp]

Great! Anyway I can request a Bam Margera x Female!Reader smutty imagine? Maybe Bam ends up meeting Johnny’s younger sister and they end up in a relationship at some point. While in said relationship maybe another cast member ends up flirting with her at a party to piss of Bam on purpose and it ends up leading to some protective Bam and jealous sex?

Sex Pollution

Jackass Imagine

A/N: To those who said I can’t write, get a load of this! Haha!

Imagine you’re Johnny Knoxville's sister, probably younger sister. You’re southern, with a real heavy drawl, and look almost identical to him. Maybe not, but you can definitely see resemblances. You grew up close, surely not a girly girl, you get your hands dirty with no questions asked. You’ve spent the start of your brother's career watching, like a bird. Never really met any of the guys, you didn’t really care. Steve-O was too wild, and you weren’t a fan of heavy drugs, Pontius was too flirty, and oddly, Preston and Wee-Man had their own duo, Dunn? Well, he seemed nice, but he didn’t have the best hygiene, and that was enough on its own to be a deal breaker. Who else were you missing?? Never mind…

You never really were looking for a relationship, really, or even a casual friendship. But things happen all the time; and when Jackass came to town, and your mother let these guys stay a few nights, your plans flipped upside down. You were left confused, flustered, and you felt like a teenage girl all over again. With some kid crush on a guy with such a cute face. Handsome like a guy should be, but he was pretty. Not pretty enough you’d mistake him for a girl, though. Just pretty enough for you to gawk at, to sneak around with when all the guys and your family are asleep. Getting drinks, and sneaking pecks on the lips. Before you knew it you were in your own secret relationship with a guy by the name; Bam Margera. It rolled off the tip of your tongue; and you liked it that way.

And then you moved on to Hollywood, the land of the stars. It was quick, sudden really. It wasn’t permanent, no, you were staying with your brother by day, and sneaking off into hotels by night. Because this whole Bam thing was getting serious. And then you found out party’s exist, and that opened a world of fun. Especially when you found out one of the guys was throwing a rager; and it may or may not be that oh so annoying guy you met months prior. Fucking Steve-O, but you couldn’t care less as you went hand and hand with your boyfriend. Having the time of your life.

Until you weren’t, well, you still were, with a few drinks down the hatch. The only one who was growing increasingly more disturbed, upset, was Bam. Some random guy, probably as high as anyone else was chatting you up a storm, and starting to get real handsy. He wasn’t completely random as you knew that face from the set, but with the alcohol in your system you just couldn’t tell who it was. You were polite, didn’t really wanna make a scene, so you used the excuse you needed to get another drink, smiled with your southern charm in full spring, and headed straight to the kitchen.

The minute you stepped away from the cast member and Bam was taking your place, you could see from the corner of your eye. He was threatening the guy. And it was almost funny to you. Almost. Because the moment you were in the kitchen, Bam was coming up behind you. Wrapping his arms around you and mumbling into your ear, his voice sounded so harsh for a whisper. Almost as rough as sandpaper,

“Fuck were you doing with that scum?”

He growled, like a feral dog. His embrace tightened as he pressed himself up against you. In the kitchen. You were stunned, letting out a breath of air that you felt like you hung onto almost too long as you stayed still, your brain short circuiting as you tried to come up with an answer. You swore you had one, but it popped like a bubble. Your head was as empty as the sky tonight. And Bam didn’t seem to care as he started talking again. His rough nails clawing your sides as he ran his hands up and down them like a cat scratching his owner's couch.

“It doesn’t matter, you know you’re all mine.”

You did. Well, if you didn’t before you certainly know now. His boner pressing against your asscrack was certainly showing it. And fuck, did you like being his. And Bam was gonna make sure you knew it.

He shoved you against the floating island, brushing all the cans, and needles, and lord knows what else off the counter as you bent over for him. Bam ripped your pants down so fast you could’ve sworn he ruined your jeans. Fuck. You couldn’t even be bothered to care as you arched your back for him. He ripped his own pants off with record speed, and would have broken the world record for that one as he slipped his boxers down completely.

Bam was as hard as a gun, and you couldn’t even be bothered with all the party goers so close. The chances of someone walking in and or seeing this was close to a hundred, fuck it probably was going to happen. You didn’t care, luckily Johnny wasn’t here. He’d skin Bam like a pig.

It seemed that Bam didn’t care either, he didn’t have any decency either as he just shoved himself inside of you, and you moaned instantly. Your walls clenching onto him as you squealed with pleasure. Jerking your hips forward instinctively as he started immediately with rough, quick thrusts. You could’ve gotten whiplash he was being so rough, all you could think was fuck as he dug his nails into your side, his other hand gripping hard into your hair, pulling your head back as he warned you,

“You’re mine…fuck…baby, you’re all mine.”

He grunted, letting out his own quiet moan as he quickened his pace. His thrusts getting all messy and desperate, the smell of sex polluting the kitchen and probably spoiling the alcohol as you both neared your climax. His grip on your hair tightened so much you thought he’d rip your hair out, and then he pushed himself deep inside of you, and you saw white as he came inside of you, and you came onto him, moaning as the pleasure swallowed you like a tornado. Fuck, you’ve never been so glad to be his.

[knoxvillesjackass]

You mentioned in the no nut November smut with johnny, possibly doing a reversed one where the reader is dared to do it? Love your stories, and I hope you keep writing! ❣

your tables were easy to turn - j.k

quite smutty, btw!

this is bad, dont come for me. i tried to write this and then rewrite it over such a long time, so that's why. it is the first chapter in probably a longer series. i'll see what happens! hope they will be better, though!

You and Johnny had anything but an average sex life. In fact, it was probably way above average. You craved each other all the time, and you made no effort at trying to hide it from anyone.

Not from friends or even the general public. Some couples found the whole public display of affection uncomfortable. You were definitely not one of them.

But the Jackass crew, they’d seen just about everything, if not too much of everything.

Every now and then, you and Johnny would disappear and no one questioned where you'd gone, or what you were doing. You were fucking, and you were willing to do it whenever and wherever.

“Honestly PJ, your ideas are sick,” you remarked through heavy breaths as Johnny mindlessly moved his lips against your neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin.

He didn’t answer you, but merely grabbed your ass and hoisted you onto the small table, lips still attached to your neck.

“Try to be quiet, yeah?” Johnny reminded you for the fourth time since the two of you had snuck into a small storage room on set. You were usually claustrophobic, and the barely two square meters room would’ve, in any other situation, sent you straight into a panic attack, but when Johnny had started touching and grabbing you all over, you’d had other things to worry about.

Johnny reached down and pulled his boxers out, his erect and needy cock springing out. You smiled excitedly and wrapped your legs tightly around Johnny’s waist, bringing him in even closer than before.

He snuck his hand down between your legs and managed to pull your panties to the side, despite the room being as dark as it was.

You let out a loud, high-pitched squeal when Johnny slid his index finger into your soaked cunt. He shot you a warning look and grumbled, reminding you to be quiet again.

He worked his finger in and out of you, making sure that you were wet and ready for his cock. You whined impatiently, even though you knew that Johnny was doing it for your good. So that you could enjoy the whole of his cock without pain or any discomfort.

Unfortunately, because of the limited space, serious foreplay wasn’t really an option, so Johnny brought his hand to his mouth and you watched as he licked his fingers and brought them back to your cunt, lubricating it fully.

He brought the tip of his cock to your soaked opening and gazed into your eyes. “Ready?” Johnny whispered and you nodded eagerly and smiled, preparing yourself by grabbing his shoulders tightly.

Johnny's hand went to cover your mouth the second he pushed his cock into you, knowing all too well that you couldn’t bite a moan back, even if your life depended on it.

Johnny was pushing inside of you at an animalistic pace, his whole length filling you up completely.

Johnny removed his hand for a short second to rearrange your legs, and already, you were a moaning, whimpering mess.

“Fuck-Ah!” You yelled out when Johnny hit that sweet spot. He quickly slapped his palm over your mouth once again and shushed you. “I told you to be quiet!” He hissed under his breath and pumped recklessly in and out of you.

“I-I-I can’t,” you managed to mutter under his hand, tears streaming down your face, due to the indescribable pleasure of Johnny’s cock.

“Bite my shoulder,” Johnny whispered and you gazed at him, confused. "Either that or my hand's going back over your mouth; you decide," Johnny grumbled. His hand over your mouth barely allowed you to breathe, so you did as he'd told you and bit down on his clothed shoulder. Your nails were clawing into his back, and you sniffled softly against him.

As his thrusts got sloppier but deeper, you could feel an orgasm forming, slowly and powerfully.

“I-I’m gonna c-“

“Jesus Christ!”

Johnny instinctively threw himself over you completely to shield your naked body from whoever had just interrupted him blowing your back out.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Johnny bellowed, still inside of you as turned his head to spot Steve-O in the doorway, shaking his head and chuckling.

“Could you two just try to keep it in your pants for two fucking seconds?” Steve-O asked angrily and dispersed, slamming the door roughly.

Johnny had stopped his movements, but your hips buckled against his in an attempt to get him to move again, but he pulled out of you, and it caused a loud, displeased whine to leave your lips.

“Johnny!” You hissed as he started putting his clothes on angrily, his eyes focused on the door.

"Johnny, you cannot be serious! I was this clo-"

"We'll continue later," Johnny shut you down, seemingly pissed off as he headed towards the door.

“Where are you going?” You yelped and jumped down from the table.

“Just put on your clothes!” He ordered you and headed out of the storage room, leaving you all alone after slamming the door.

You could hear a commotion in the break room, and when you entered it, Johnny and Steve-O were staring at each other intensely, eyebrows furrowed and all.

“How about you don’t just fucking barge in?” Johnny asked angrily, to which Steve-O rolled his eyes and sighed.

“It’s a workplace, dumbass! None of us wants to see you guys going at it every day!” Steve-O exclaimed. You placed a hand on Johnny's bicep and squeezed it. He looked at you shortly, shaking his head.

“We’ve only just started shooting and you guys are already fucking in the storage room?” Steve-O huffed. “You literally cannot keep your hands off each other, it’s gross.”

For some reason, that comment got under your skin a bit more and you took a step forward.

You were an adult, who could absolutely control herself, and you could prove it too.

“Bet.”

Johnny stiffened up at your word and jerked his head back.

He knew how competitive you could be, and compared with Steve-O’s inability to lose, this could only end badly.

“What are we betting?” Johnny asked. He already knew, but he wished to be proven wrong.

“Okay, fine,” Steve-O perked up a bit, loving the idea of a challenge, where the odds were 100% in his favour. “One month, no touching,” Steve-O smirked.

“Absolutely fucking not,” Johnny sneered and grabbed your arm, trying to pull you away from the conversation.

“A month is too long. Two weeks,” you negotiated, yanking your arm from Johnny's tight grip. Steve-O shrugged and nodded.

“Fucking hold up,” Johnny paused and pinched your arm to make you look at him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed quietly and passed Steve-O an angry glare.

“I can do three weeks, but when I say no touching, I mean; no touching,” Steve-O smirked.

Now, you understood. This man was really pushing your buttons.

“Fine,” you agreed and narrowed your eyes at him.

“But, if we make it three weeks, you’re never going to bother us again about fucking again, ever.”

Steve-O paused and considered what he would be giving up if you managed to pull off the bet.

“Fine, but if I win, you can’t fuck here, or while I’m even in a mile’s radius of you.”

There was a wicked look in Steve-O’s eyes. If he won, he’d no doubt be ruthless and unfair.

There was a whole lot at stake. But the chance of being able to do whatever you wanted with Johnny, wherever you wanted, without Steve-O’s commentary was too good to pass up.

“Deal.” 

“Oh, so I don’t get a say in it? Cool, 'cause this obviously doesn’t affect me at all,” Johnny chimed in, clearly agitated. 

“Okay, but how nice would it be if he couldn’t say shit about us,” you quirked an eyebrow at Johnny and he sighed, running a hand through his hair, ultimately shaking his head in dissent.

"We're not doing this sh-"

Steve-O interrupted Johnny with a grin and looked at his watch. “Alright, it’s 13:20. Time starts now. Good luck,” he jibed and walked away, leaving you and Johnny in the break room.

You could clearly sense, that he was angry at you, and you understood why, but your competitiveness seemed to overtake any feelings of remorse, guilt and regret.

You looked at Johnny and bit your lip, well aware that you'd messed up badly. He crossed his arms and breathed out heavily.

"Do you have any idea about what you've just done?" Johnny asked you, and a cheeky smile formed upon your lips. "I don't find this funny at all, Y/N."

Your smile quickly disappeared and you frowned at Johnny's genuine disappointment.

“I think you should head home,” he spoke. This was not a question or a nice suggestion, it was an order.

You frowned and watched as Johnny spun on his heels and left you with an awful sense of guilt.

-

Johnny stared at you from across the dinner table, exasperated, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

You sipped your wine and raised your eyebrow at him.

"Don't you think you've had enough wine?" Johnny asked and followed the wine glass with his stare as you placed it back down on the table.

"Why are you still so pissed off? Chill out," you hiccupped and scoffed.

"Why? Are you seriously asking me why?” Johnny hissed and bit his cheek. You nodded and leaned forward.

"What the fuck happened to listen to each other, Y/N? I'm so pissed at you right now," Johnny growled as you stared down at your plate of food.

It had to have been the 100th time that day, that Johnny was having a go at you.

He'd been scolding you from the moment he'd arrived home from work. You'd grown numb to his outbursts, slightly starting to feel that the man deserved to not get any sex from you with that temper of his. Besides, he didn't need to scold you, because you already felt awful.

But were you going to give up and let Steve-O win? Fuck no.

Johnny couldn't take the silence for much longer. He twitched and fiddled around in his chair, before eventually slamming his palm into the dining table.

"I have to be on set with that asshole every day for the next four months, Y/N! You fucking ganged up on me with Steve-O?"

Steve-O had been enjoying the rest of the work day by regularly passing Johnny mocking grins and asking how you were doing.

“I think we should make a list,” you suggested and Johnny stopped chewing on his lamb chop and looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” He asked and stared at you, bitter and indeed confused.

You reached down into your bag and ripped a page out of your notebook and grabbed a pen. "You know, of things, we can't or shouldn't do. Just to make this easier," you shrugged.

You were convinced, that your confidence would come to bite you in the ass later on, but at that moment, you were doing just fine.

"I don't think, that we should sleep in the same bed," you said casually but jumped when Johnny protested with a loud yelp.

He stared at you bewildered and shook his head at your proposal.

"I'm just saying; it'll be easier if we don't sleep in the same bed. That way, we won't get tempted by anything," you explained and ignored Johnny's rolling eyes.

"Do you not see how fucking ridiculous this is? We're a couple, Y/N! Couples have sex, so why are you suddenly insistent on not letting me touch you for three weeks?" Johnny asked, so frustrated that he just couldn't sit for another second. He stood up and paced back and forth.

You were starting to get irritated with Johnny. Yes, you fucked up, badly, but your man was force-feeding you with guilt trips and self-pity, and it had made you feel slightly less guilty about the whole thing.

"Grow up, Johnny! It's three weeks. You'll survive," you sassed and wrote down sleeping in opposite beds as the first thing on your list.

"This is fucking ridiculous," he hissed and you stared at him. "No, Johnny; you're fucking ridiculous," you snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bar with Penny. I don't know when I'll be home," you hissed, hearing Penny's car out front.

"You're not going anywhere until we've figured this out, Y/N!" Johnny exclaimed. You grabbed your purse and headed for the door. "Come and catch me then," you said sarcastically and closed the door behind you.

-

You told your friend all about the bet, who seemed to find it as amusing as Steve-O. You needed a break from Johnny and his understandable, but annoying, pissy attitude.

You drank and then drank a little more. Maybe a little too much, but you were having fun. You weren't exactly excited to return home though, but you hoped that Johnny would be fast asleep.

-

Penny dropped you off after a few hours at the bar. You had a wine bottle in your hand, half-drunken.

The lights were still on in the house. How fantastic.

You entered the house and immediately, you could hear the sound of the shower going. You took a sip of the wine bottle in your hand and walked to the bathroom, opened the door and entered into the steamy room.

Usually, you would be in there with him, back against the wall as he'd mercilessly pound you into submission. Tonight was, by your own fault, different.

A hiccup from you made Johnny turn off the shower and he peeked out to see your drunken state. He sighed and shook his head.

"For fuck's sake, Y/N," he groaned and walked out of the shower, naked and glistening like some Greek god.

You licked your lips as your eyes travelled down his body. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and it made you snap your eyes up to meet his.

"You know how many fucking times I tried to call?" Johnny asked you and grabbed the wine bottle in your hand, placing it out of your reach, You whined at crossed your arms.

"My phone died," you said. That was a lie. You'd just decided, that you didn't wanna deal with Johnny's bullshit while you were having fun.

"How did you get home?" He asked you. "Penny drove me," you responded.

He looked so good, it was almost painful. The bet hadn't even crossed your mind when you decided to wrap your arms around his naked upper body, placing soft kisses on his chest. Your hand moved down to unwrap the towel from his waist.

"Y/N, you're drunk," Johnny said and unwrapped your arms from his body. "So what?" You whined and began to lower yourself and fumble with Johnny’s towel.

He really wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to have sex with you while you were that drunk. Johnny pulled you up by your arms and shook his head like a disapproving father while handing you your toothbrush.

"You'll thank me tomorrow," he commented. You shrugged, too tired to think of what that could've meant.

You brushed your teeth drunkenly and stripped yourself of your clothes.

You walked into the bedroom and watched as Johnny removed his pillow from the bed and began to exit the room.

"What are you doing?" You asked confused. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. "You wanted us to sleep separately, remember?" Johnny asked.

You didn't have a recollection of ever saying that. "I would never say that," you huffed.

Johnny chuckled. "If you say so," he sighed and placed his pillow back on the bed and laid down.

He closed his eyes and turned off his bedside light, but you kept standing, arms crossed.

"Jooohnnyyy," you whined and he hummed in response.

You sat down on the bed and leaned over Johnny, planting kisses on his neck and down his shoulder, but you didn't reach very far before he shook you off. "Stop, Y/N," he groaned tiredly.

"But, Johnny," you whimpered. "No, Y/N," he tiredly groaned and grabbed your arm, softly forcing you to lay down beside him, your back against his chest, his embrace keeping you locked in.

“Noo,” you whined, squirming in his grip, your ass grinding against his crotch, unintentionally.

The whole night was spent with you waking up occasionally, trying to twist yourself out of Johnny's embrace because you either wanted to drink more or because you were incredibly horny.

Eventually, you just gave up and slept through the night.

[eternal-sunshine-222]

JACKASS MASTERLIST

Hello! My name is Kandi and I am an aspiring author. In this masterlist you can find all my works for this series linked under their respective characters. I write for the characters listed but I will make exceptions if requested. Thank you and happy reading!

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE

-coming soon!

STEVE-O

-coming soon!

RYAN DUNN

-coming soon!

BAM MARGERA

-coming soon!

CHRIS PONTIUS

-coming soon!

RACHEL WOLFSON

-coming soon!

This masterlist along with my others with be updated any time a new fic is dropped or in the process of being worked on.

[writingisbetterthandying]

potential series

hey! don't know who this will reach but anyways have a very self indulgent rpf sort of thing i have in drafts, was wondering where to post, maybe even open an ao3 account!

basic premise is dave grohl x reader to johnny knoxville x reader, with a lot of angst and mostly dialogue; so far i have three chapters, but just wanted to put out a feeler if anyone's interested!

[welcometojackass2022]

I have come to a realization that maybe the reason I’m having so much trouble getting back into writing fics and consuming Jackass/CKY/Viva La Bam content is because I am much better off mentally than I was when I started this in August 2022. Hell, much better off than I was even in like April/May of last year. It was so easy to be hyperfixated and spend all my time consuming content, writing content, or daydreaming about Jackass and all the other stuff cuz I was so depressed and isolated that I could get away with it. College obviously has given me something to do, but I’ve also been on anti-depressants for over a year now (didn’t realize that milestone until just now), I’ve actively taken steps to improve my mental health in ways I never used to, and I’m experiencing real genuine romantic love for the first time in my life. I’m having so much trouble balancing this healthy, well-developed life I’ve got going on in the real world with the urge to delve back into my old habits and isolate myself and consume/write/think exclusively about Jackass stuff.

[berzahoes]

headcanons: female jackass member

an: just some headcanons that i’ve been thinking about lately lol

I love johnny’s shirts but you would have an even better wardrobe

basically this:

you’re not afraid to kick all of the guys’ dick when they’re being assholes or just annoying

you love hanging out with johnny’s daughter if she’s on set (she’s not on set often but when she is you’re literally best friends)

you’ve probably broken an arm and a leg at the same time

you know practically everyone had beef with each other in the early 2000s?? NOT YOU or if you do want to have the whole hollywood experience then you do you <3

you definitely made some appearances on viva la bam

chris + you = besties THAT IS ALL I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH CHRIS

you cannot go a full five minutes without cursing (me, it’s literally my vocabulary)

you know how when dave england gets drunk he’s like the worst?? you’re not that bad but when drunk dave is doing stupid shit drunk you is hyping him up

you’re always gaslighting the guys

you would shoot someone with the paintball gun (probably johnny or bam) and they would be on the ground in pain and jeff would just ask “what happened?”

you, casually with a paintball gun in your hand, shrug

“SHE SHOT ME”

“that never happened”

ok but i also love that the only female jackass member would have an obsession with dyeing her hair idk why

nvm i do bc imagine being on edge at work all day bc you think the guys are going to prank you

stress = hair dye i don’t make the rules

SPLIT HAIR OR IDK THE PROPER TERM BUT YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

omg narcissa malfoy hair yeah <3

ok that’s all i got nothing else 😭😭

[michelle-is-writing]

Bathtub, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.1k~

Over the years, I’ve learned that Jackass comes with a lot of laughs as well as sore muscles and achy bones. Now, I don’t have to experience anything like this, thankfully, as Johnny has essentially banned me from ever doing the crazy stunts with the guys. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me to get hurt, but that’s coming from the same man who has done the infamous cup test more than once. Even when I somehow manage to get caught in the crossfire of their ridiculous yet hilarious stunts, he’s still very protective and takes care of me.

Of course, I do the same for him when he gets hurt; granted, his injuries are more severe than my occasional small skin grazes. Still, whatever he thinks will make him feel better, I do. Tonight, he suggested maybe a hot bath would help with his tender back. The guys had engaged in a paintball war for one of their stunts in their new movie, and Johnny managed to avoid every paintball in front of him. On the other hand, his back is littered with purple circles with pink and red splotches surrounding those bruises as well as cuts from the harsh impact of the many paintballs. As soon as he showed me his back after finishing the skit, I knew just how bad his back was going to bruise after a while.

With warm water surrounding us, Johnny lies back against me in the tub as he lets relaxation take over him. It’s so calm in here you could almost fall asleep, but it’s never a good idea to do that in the tub. Johnny does that enough behind the wheel, which is something I absolutely hate, but at the same time, it’s also an excuse for me to join him up front and spend time with him.

“Babygirl, thank you for this,” he tells me, releasing a sigh afterward as he nuzzles his head further into my chest, getting his hair wet in the process. He doesn’t care about this, of course, as he’s now comfortable, and with the way he’s closing his eyes, he is definitely going to fall asleep.

“Nuh-uh, Johnny, don’t fall asleep,” I tell him, guiding my hand through his damp raven locks. This action gets his attention, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “You can’t go to sleep in the tub, I won’t be able to get your ass out.”

He laughs at this, his eyes crinkling together before opening them to reveal his beautiful brown eyes to me, shining up at me with nothing but adoration. “I love you so much, honey,” he murmurs, his tone showing how heartfelt he’s being right now. These are the moments I crave, the moments where we’re joking one moment, and the next, we’re declaring our love for each other.

However, just before I get to respond to Johnny's words, a loud bang sounds throughout the bathroom as the door swings open, revealing Johnny’s friends as they laugh crazily. Immediately, I slide down further in the tub with my hands covering my chest as Johnny pushes his back against me with his arms covering my sides. He’s always protective over me, no matter what, even if that means revealing himself entirely at the same time.

“May I ask what the fuck you guys are doing here?!” Johnny exclaims while Bam and Dunn try to catch their breaths.

“Dude, we didn’t think (Y/n) was in here with you,” Bam admits to us, making me roll my eyes. Would it have been so hard for them to check beforehand? Then again, this is Bam and Dunn we’re talking about; they share a single brain cell as it is.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to enjoying a bath with my wife,” Johnny says, his voice being blunt with each word. “So if you could all leave now…”

“Got room for one more?” Pontius’ infamous voice makes its way into the bathroom, making me reach my breaking point. With a groan, I grab the nearest shampoo bottle before throwing it at the boys, hitting Bam in the head before it bounces and hits Dunn. They all laugh at us, shortly leaving afterward while Johnny faces me and shakes his head. Not to mention the loud bang we heard was Dunn kicking the door in, meaning the hinge is now broken. So, as the guys left the doorway after realizing they couldn’t close the door, they all muttered a small “sorry” while failing to fight off their laughter.

“I’m sorry about them,” Johnny murmurs to me, closing his eyes as he shakes his head. I don’t know why he’s apologizing; these are our friends after all, but then again, Johnny is very protective of me. “I don’t know why the hell they’re like that, and I don’t know how the hell they got in, but baby, please-“

Before Johnny can say anymore, I gently grip his chin and tilt his head back to me so I can connect our lips. The action silences Johnny immediately as he kisses me back, ignoring the sounds of his friends still messing with each other in our home. Although, once he parts from me, he looks over at the bathroom door and groans, his previous moment of calmness now replaced by frustration.

“They knocked the damn door off its hinges,” he points the obvious out, making me sigh with him. The door wasn’t even locked since this is mine and Johnny’s house; we’ve never had to lock the doors. Again, because Bam and Dunn share a brain cell, they didn’t think of that beforehand.

“I’ll make them fix it,” I assure Johnny, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “But why don’t we go ahead and get out before they destroy the house? The water is getting kind of cold.”

Johnny lets out a short laugh at my suggestion before ultimately snuggling into me like before. “Just a few more minutes,” he murmurs, his eyes now closed as a tired sigh leaves his nose.

Knowing there’s no winning in this situation, I give in to Johnny and find myself relaxing back against the tub like before when the bathroom door could still close all the way. No wonder Johnny was stressed when he came home. Then again, I would be too if I came home to escape the incessant jokes and pranks at work, only for it to follow me here too.

[dolphindive85]

Jackass fanfiction- 'We Need a Girl'

Jackass fanfiction I've been working on, about a girl joining the Jackass cast! Eventual Johnny Knoxville/ Original character :)

Agreeing to do something incredibly stupid because a handsome guy had smiled at her and made her feel all woozy inside did seem exactly like something she should be resolving to avoid. But here she was, skateboard in hand, helmet on head. Some gear, zero idea. With what she hoped was a valiant attempt at confidence, she approached the drop in. It had a steep downhill, followed by a loop that would either deposit her into the lake, or onto a hastily placed foam mat. She considered there was also probably a third option- the ground, and winced.

This had started, like all the worst ideas, with a night in a bar. Hannah had been singing at a poorly attended open mic which, after 11pm, became a very well attended LA drinking session. 

“Are you sure about this dude?” called Steveo’s voice from below, snapping her out of her revery.

“Sure she's sure! Look at her. She’s wearing kneepads!” replied Pontius cheerily, with a wave. Hannah wished that she felt that at ease, and took a deep breath. “Yep I’m… I’m up here!” she said, and then mental cursed herself- “I’m up here”, what the fuck? That was not as breezy as she had planned. 

Hannah knew Steveo- they’d met at some parties, and he’d told her he’d be there with some friends. Feeling despondent after another seemingly pointless acoustic set to no one, Hannah had convinced some friends to come down and drink, promising them her most fun friend, Steveo, would be there too. 

Steveo had arrived with an energy that was frenetic even for him, essentially bouncing off the walls, throwing himself at bouncers, dudes, barstools, basically anything that he could attempt to knock over or piss off. His friends watched and laughed, occasionally joining in but mostly drinking beers and turning round every now and then to laugh at their friend’s antics. 

For Hannah, this was the perfect distraction, as she had predicted. As she steadily drank more, she let Steveo pull her into his mayhem. Playfully shoving him and bouncing off him around the bar, slamming into walls, and the floor, with increasing force, laughing manically. Intent on creating their own makeshift moshpit to the DJ’s mellow pop tunes, she pushed off Steveo and abruptly crashed into a tall man, her arm flinging out and knocking his beer sideways out of his hands. 

“Woah there doll, careful!” he said, steadying her on her feet as she laughed, out of breath. She felt his hand gently touch her back, catching her from falling. She felt shy suddenly, and held up her hands with a smile to apologise. She couldn’t get a sense straight away of if he was game to join her and Steveo’s mischief, or wanted nothing to do with it. He cocked his head and smiled “Is our friend Steveo playing too rough with you ma’am? We need to have a word with him about his manners?” he asked conspiratorially. Hannah giggled, pleasantly surprised. “No I like it” she laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears. Just then, Steveo swooped in, as if to prove her point, lifted her into the air, and aimed her at the sofa tucked into the wall of the bar. Hannah hit the sofa gasping to gulp air and crying with laughter, and bounced straight back to shove into the growing wall of bodies that Steveo had enlisted in his half mosh, half vengeful-recently-shoved-dude pit. 

At the top of the ramp, Hannah groaned slightly as she rolled her shoulders, still sore from the night before. This will be fun, she repeated to herself in her head. It will be fun and I will show them I’m not too pussy to do it. They know I can’t actually do it, that’s not the point. It will be fun.

She’d explained in the bar that she couldn’t skate well “Just some cruising and messing around, really.” she’d said to a nodding Chris Pontius. He looked, she’d thought, like if a greek nymph was a boy, or maybe like the boy version of a Sexy Baby. She’d emerged sweaty and exhilarated from the pushing, laughing appreciatively as Steveo swung from a light fitting, and found herself ordering a drink with Steveo’s friends. The tall man she’d bumped into earlier was there, and she let her eyes flick to him every now and then, taking in his broad shoulders and handsome face. “You skate?” cut in a younger boy with dark hair and a striped shirt. “You ever been on TV?” he asked her, smirking a little. “What?” Hannah replied, a little too disorientated in the loud room to understand what he was getting at. “Bam!” one of the guys shouted “you offering TV spots to girls as a way of flirting is lame man! It’s done!”

“I’m not!!” he said defensively, and turned to get the attention of the tall man who was sipping his beer. “Knoxville, I’m telling you, we need a girl. We should have a chick in there, it’ll be funny. And it could be hot! And she can introduce segments and shit, make it seem less fucking gay man.” Fifth drink in hand, Hannah was struggling a to keep up with this, and she screwed up her face a little at the end. “I actually think you should make it more gay, whatever it is.” she said, sipping from her straw and beginning to lose interest. Her eyes flickered, looking for where the fun had got to, and wondering how to get back to it.

“Now that I agree with.” It was the tall man she’d bumped into- what had his friend called him? Knoxville? She looked up at him, still drinking from her straw, and smiled. “Oh yeah?” she said, unable to keep her grin from growing, and thinking vaguely about if she should be covering her admittedly goofy smile. “So you don't want a girl in it huh?” she paused “what actually is it, anyway? Your gay thing you’re doing?” He laughed. It was a big, silly laugh. A little high and almost a whoop. She really, really liked it. 

“We’re making a show, sweetheart. It’s real dumb. Stunts mostly. Guys falling off stuff, guys getting hit in the balls, all that stuff.”

“Oh cool, I like that. I like dumb stuff. I’d like to see it.” She smiled. Their eyes met and she felt her heart flutter. She tucked her hair behind her ears with one hand and looked down at her drink. 

“You should come tomorrow,” Bam cut in, “you got a board?”

She looked at him, unsure. “I am not good. I’m not being modest, I’m actually not good. I just do it for fun and to be silly. I won’t be able to do tricks and stuff.”

“That’s fine, I’ve seen you literally throw yourself across this bar all night. I think you can do what we need.”

“What, fall on my ass?”

“Yeah” he grinned “pretty much.”

Hannah looked back at the tall guy who made her feel so nervous and girly. He was considering her, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Fuck it,” he said. “Come tomorrow sweetheart, we’re meeting down at the beachfront at noon. You don’t have to do nothing but no reason you shouldn’t come see us bein’ idiots.” 

Maybe it was very regressive of her but she liked it a lot that he called her sweetheart. She’d always been a sucker for nicknames and terms of endearment. She had the distant concern that the weak knee-d sensation this guy gave her was going to lead to some very stupid choices and very simpering behaviour, and gave her head a small shake to try and snap out of it.

“OK! Yeah OK I’ll come. I can do stupid stuff, or just watch it happen, if not.” 

And then she’d drank more and danced more and altogether had the silly night she’d hoped for. She’d let the forest nymph guy, Chris, hold her upside down and try to drink a shot. Dancing with her friends, she’d caught eyes again with Knoxville- ‘Johnny’ he’d said his name was, and waved, her stomach flipping a little when he grinned and winked. She’d blearily asked Steveo about the next day, and if it was a good idea, and he’d responded with a characteristic “Yeah dude! Look they probably just want a hot chick on set but come down man! It’ll be gnarly!” 

When she woke up at 11am the next day with a scrawled note of the address in her pocket, she’d text Steveo to confirm it was real, swallowed her nerves and doubts, and headed out. Catching her reflection on the way she heard an echo of Steveo suggesting they wanted a ‘hot chick’ and suspected they would be disappointed when she arrived with armpit hair, a sports bra, and several very green bruises on her exposed elbows and knees.

When she arrived, the stunt was set up. A man in a chicken suit was attempting it, and made it look, she suspected, a lot easier than it was. She watched as Bam took to the ramp, and hit the ground pretty hard. It looked rough. 

“Are you OK dude?” she asked him, as he took off his skate pads.

“I’m fine,” he answered, “but when are you getting up there? Don’t be a pussy!”

Rankled by the comment, and then annoyed that it was so easy to wind her up, Hannah looked at the crew, who didn’t look convinced. 

“Do you guys want me to do it?” she asked doubtfully. Hannah was a lot of things, but primarily she was someone who didn’t take being called a pussy lightly. 

Jeff, the director, looked thoughtful. “I don’t know.” he said. “I do see what Bam’s saying guys, it could diversify the appeal if we have a girl in it… but you said you can’t really skate, right?

“I don’t think it’ll appeal to a diverse audience to see a girl get smoked” Johnny cut in. “No offence ma’am and it’s a pleasure to have you, but none of us want to see a young lady hurt herself.” He smiled graciously and Hannah felt that fuzzy feeling inside, alongside a twinge of outrage- get smoked?! She might not be a pro, but she could drop in on a ramp, thanks very much.

“Nah dude, I think it’ll be really funny” said Steveo. “You saw last night man, she’s bouncy! It’ll be fine. I think you should totally do it dude. And I think you should wear a bikini and say God bless America man that’s what people wanna see!” he finished enthusiastically. Several of the guys were nodding, clearly convinced by his pitch.

“I say let her try it,” said Pontius seriously. “I think the optics of Bunny the lifeguard saving her would play well on camera.”

The group turned to look at Jeff and Johnny. It was clear to Hannah that ultimately these guys were the decision makers. She hesitated, then spoke: “I mean there’s no pressure for it to go in the show you’re making or whatever, but I kind of want to try it. I mean it looks crazy but I think it’ll be funny. And I like swimming I think it’d be fun to end up in the lake.”

And that was how Hannah found herself at the top of the ramp, holding the board she cruised around LA on.

With a shudder, and a shrug designed to convey to herself that ultimately, it is what is  and que sera, she dropped in.

Everything afterwards happened very fast. It was very difficult to keep any sense of where her body actually was in space or time, and in a blur she was flung from the top of the ramp. Hannah felt her feet abandon the board, and abruptly felt the impact of the ground. 

It was quiet, and a strangled “aaag,” was all she managed to produce. 

Lying on the ground, she opened her eyes and looked up into the concerned face of Johnny Knoxville. Thinking hard about his hazel eyes and the warmth coming from his shirtless torso, and not so much about anything else, she heard herself ask “Did I do it?” with a hopefulness that suggested she was more glass half full than she had previously realised. 

“Did she do it!” she heard laughter as Dave repeated her question. “She’s lying three feet away from the jump asking ‘did I do it?’” He looked around to share his laughter but someone else replied “Dude that might be bad did she hit her head hard? Where was the mat man?”

“Well we had it but she landed so far away from the actual ramp it was no fucking good!” 

Potentially that was a no, then. 

She looked up again, into Johnny’s face as he crouched over her.

“You feeling OK sweetheart?” he asked softly.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so. I’m not sure what happened exactly?”

“What happened exactly,” Bam cut in, “is you went fucking flying man. You fucking leaped off that thing.” He sniggered. 

Ignoring him, Johnny didn’t look away from Hannah, and spoke gently  as he explained.

“Yeah you took a bit of a tumble, basically flipped in the air. It was pretty impressive really. But does it hurt? Can you wriggle your fingers and toes for me?” 

Jeff arrived as Hannah tentatively gave her digits a wiggle, and winced as she started to sit up. “Oh hey no don’t sit up!” called out Jeff, who’d appeared from behind the camera. “We gotta check you over man. Great footage. Looked so great. You flew like a rag doll. But potentially only funny if you're not scrambled now.” Jeff signalled for the medic to approach, and promptly Johnny was firmly moved aside by a business like doctor who shone a light in Hannah’s eyes and asked her if her head hurt.

Gingerly, she stood up. Looking at where she fell, and back at the ramp, she frowned. “I might try that again, actually, I think this time-“

“No fucking way dude” Steveo cut across her. “You’re lucky you’re not totally screwed, honestly. You must, like, fall well cause from where I stood it looked like you were gonna snap all your bones.”

Hannah processed this. “Oh. So it didn’t look very cool? Did it look bad? I think it would be good to maybe try again, do it a bit better.” Her frown deepened “Jeff? Jeff Can I try again? I can do it I think. Like, better at least, I think I could aim for the mat.” Jeff looked at Johnny. He looked torn. “I don't know, Jeff I don't know if it’s funny girls getting hurt. That was good, but if you break something I don’t think that reads so funny…” he spoke quietly, more serious than usual. Jeff considered this. “You’re OK?” he aimed his question partly at Hannah, and partly at the still hovering medic. “Yeah I’m cool I’m fine. I maybe have a bruise-“

“You definitely have a bruise, you also are lucky you didn't break anything” interjected the medic.

Jeff nodded. “You can go one more time. Make it funny- it’s funny, it makes it.”

As she turned, Hannah felt a hand softly take hold of her arm. “Hey,” said Johnny “just… just really really aim for mat this time.” Hannah nodded, feeling a little stupid, and a little excited. But then wasn’t that the point of this whole thing?

Back at the top, she drew in a deep breath, shut her eyes, and dropped in. 

“Don’t close your FUCKING EYES!” she heard screamed below as she once again flew down the ramp, her stomach dropping a thousand helms deep. 

“NOW NOW NOW!” shouted the team at the base, and Hannah hit the mat at the bottom, her arms splaying. Vaguely, she heard the wheels continue to spin, and somehow had the wherewithal to roll out of the way just as board crashed down to join her on the mat, narrowly avoiding it cracking onto her ribs. On the floor again, panting with relief, she looked up at the blue sky feeling completely high on adrenaline and stupidity. What a feeling, she thought. Her sky view was blocked as a concerned face one again loomed over her. It was Johnny, who had a strange expression on his face. “Hannah? You OK? You feeling OK? We got you.” He spoke urgently, hands hovering, but not touching her. “I’m good, I’m good” she wheezed, propping herself up and feeling a grin take over her face. She suddenly felt completely invincible. She had a vague feeling that maybe that feeling came right before death, but she was too loopy with excitement to care. “WOOOOOOO!” she hollered, tipping her head to the sky. Turning her face to the camera that had followed her to the floor, she beamed and shouted “That was so fucking awesome man!” before lying back down, laughing. 

Looking like he’d finally decided he was allowed to smile, Johnny’s face also broke into a grin, and he laughed with her, throwing his head back and hooting. “Fuck yeah guys! The ramp might break you, or it might just make you!” He thrust out a hand to pull her up, and she took it, staggering a little as she got to her feet. “That looked pretty hilarious I gotta say. Did you have a plan up there?”

“Erm, not really. I guess I really wanted to land on the mat” Hannah replied earnestly. 

“That’s the Jackass spirit right there,” he grinned. “Close your eyes and hope you hit something soft.” He looked round, laughing, and swung his arm around Hannah as he led her over to where the other guys sat laughing on the floor. He leant in, unclipping her helmet, and briefly Hannah felt his warm breath on her face, and how his large hands brushed her face as they reached for the buckle. She drew a sharp breathe, and broke the spell. Johnny seemed to remember himself, and moved back quickly. “There you go ma’am.” He said, ushering her to sit down. Hannah sat down next to a guffawing Steveo and Dave, her stomach flipping with an adrenaline that had nothing to do with skateboarding. 

[olivia091108]

Farmers daughter

Summary:Johnny goes home and meets his new neighbours daughter

Pairing:Johnny Knoxville x reader

Word count:2.4k

I had just finished filming the last episode of jackass and I’m heading down to see my folks in Tennessee for a few weeks.

My dad pick me up from the airport and drives us home it’s not too long of a drive but I know I’m almost there when the houses are all miles away from eatch other. We pull up and i get out and grab my bag and walk in with dad to see everyone.

I walk into the house and as I set my bags down ma is already pulling me into a hug telling me she hasn’t seen me in so long and telling me that I’ve missed a lot of things.

Johnny I’m so glad your home I hope you don’t mind but we have a visitor here right now but I want you to meet him. She pulls me into the living room and sitting there is a middle aged couple

“Johnny this is Albert and carol they’re our neighbours” she tells me and I shake their hands “this is my son Johnny the one who went to Hollywood”

“That’s exciting what are you doing all the way down there trying to become a movie star”carol asks me excitedly

“Yeah well I’ve actually just finished my show on mtv you might’ve seen it.”

“We don’t have a tv it shows very graphic things we just keep up with the paper” I nod finding it odd they don’t have a tv but carry on talking to them

“So Johnny how old are you?

“Im 27 sir”

“Oh your only a year older than our daughter” she turns to ma and says “she’s sorry she couldn’t make it she’s very busy at the moment”

“Oh it’s alright I’ll see her soon Johnny can you help me in the kitchen for a second”

I follow mum into the kitchen and she talks quietly “Johnny do you think you can go round and help Albert with sone jobs he isn’t strong enough for them and I promise by the time you come back I’ll have your’e favourite dinner all dishes out”

Yeah ok ma she kissed my cheek and I ask Albert if he needs any help and he brings me up on my offer and I follow them on the walk to their house.

As we approach their house it’s not as big as ours but it looks cosy and as Albert leads me round the back of the house towards the barn he begins to mutter.

“Y/n you need to quicken your’e pace and stop daydreaming or you won’t be able to finish your chores in time”

I wonder who he’s taking to as all I see is clothes and a white bedsheet hanging on the line drying. A hand quickly moves the sheet to the side and reveals a gorgeous young lady this must be there daughter.

She’s absolutely breathtaking she has lovely tanned skin wearing a white float top and denim shorts and long hair cascading down her back with small braids dotted around.

Sorry dad I was away with the fairies I’m almost finished then I’ll head to the bar- I so sorry I don’t know where my manners went I’m y/n nice to meet you she shakes my hand and I realise I’ve just been gawking at her and quickly tell her my name with a smile.

“He’s just here to help with a few things he’s Margaret’s son.”

“Of course she has not kept quiet about you saying your’e some big movie star.”

“Y/n finish this and meet us at the barn”

I nod and get back to hanging the washing and as Albert ushers me to follow him I can just about drag my eyes away from her.

Once Albert has explained everything he wants me to do he leaves the barn but I hear him begin talking to y/n who ahs just arrived

“Y/n i dont want any funny business with you and that boy alright young lady”

“Of course not dad”

“Good make sure you finish all your chores or you won’t have any supper”

As y/n walks in I quickly look back at my task and pretend I hadn’t heard their whole conversation. I work on fixing the stable door while y/n does her chores and silence fills the barn other than the occasional noise form the animals.

“Your’e show is really funny” her voice sounds like honey dripping with sweetness

“I thought you didn’t have a tv”

Well we don’t but when I go round and have supper with Margret it’s always on she’s really proud of you yknow.

I smile at her and let the words echo through my head.

Sorry if my mas a little bossy I’m sure you have better things to do tan have dinner with her every week.

“No no that’s not what I mean I love going round your folks are so kind to me”

We keep on chatting with y/n following me round while I do my jobs completely abandoning her own until I have finished and are ready to head home just intime for dinner.

She takes my wrist and looks at my watch seeing it reading 5:40. Oh Christ I’ve gotten so distracted she quickly rushes round the barn trying to complete her chores and I watch her as I’m about to leave I feel guilty especially after what her father said if she doesn’t finish. I dismiss my hunger and offer y/n help

No you should get going I don’t want to keep you you’ve only just gotten back. She says while carrying a bucket of water in one hand and some hay tucked under her arm to the animal penns.

“It’s probably something like meatloaf anyway” I begin to take water and give it to each animal and in 20 minuets we had finished them all and began to walk back to ge house

As we arrive just outside her back door she climbs on her tiptoes and wraps her arms round my neck and thanks me telling me how much trouble she would’ve gotten in if it weren’t for me and she planted a kiss on my cheek and pulled back with a smile before entering the house waving me a goodbye

I smile to myself and walk back home the only thing being on my mind was her.

The next day it’s the hottest It’s been for a while and after hanging round the house I soon become bored when there isn’t anything good on tv there’s only about 20 channels on our tv and half of them are the news. Mum asks me if I can go into town to get a few bits for her.

Ma I’m going to go round to Albert and carols to see if they need anything I’ll be back in and hour I shout upstairs to her and leave the house. While I’m waking all I’m thinking about is y/n she’s honestly like a ray or sunshine everything about her seems to take my breath away.

When I reach their house I knock on the door and carol answers and I ask her if she needs anything from town

That’s very kind I’ll write you a list would you mind taking y/n with you she doesn’t get to go into town much.

Of course ma’m that wouldn’t be a problem I tell her feeling my heart speed up a notch.

She should be down by the lake it’s behind the barn she points out to me and I walk down there and see no sign of her until she rises up to the surface from under the water.

I walk closer and stand on the bank of the lane admiring her even if I can only see the back of her head.

“hey y/n” I call over to her and she turns around and holds up her hand to block the sun not seeing who I am then a smile breaks onto her face

“Hi Johnny what you doing here is my dad trying to get you to do more jobs for him?” she asks me swimming over and it only occurs to me now that she’s not wearing any kind of clothes and I suddenly feel very shy

I turn round giving her some privacy and say. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were naked I came over to see if you wanted to come into town with me I’d be bored going alone” I say loudly so she can hear me.

“It’s alright I don’t mind it’s natural” she says and I slowly turn my head to see what she’s doing and she’s climbed out the water now and slipped on some knickers and a bra wich immediately gets wet as she hadn’t even dried herself and grabs a small checkered red top and some denim shorts.

“Let me get some money from the house cmon” she says and grabs a hold of my hand and quickly pull me towards the house. She runs upstairs quickly to grab her money and I collect the list from carol only having a few things on it.

“Has a handsome young man like you have a girlfriend yet Johnny?”

“No not yet ma’m”

“You know my y/n is single she hasn’t had a boyfriend in a long time” carol tells me

“Mum stop” she groans as she runs sos. The stairs jumping down the last two and saying a quick goodbye to her mum before we both walk out heading to town.

“Do you like being home or are you missing the movie star life she asks me”

“Nah I like being home seeing my folks and being in my own bed I like that I’ve met you as well” I say staring down at her

“I’m glad I’ve met you too I don’t have many friends we live so far from everyone I’m just stuck on the farm all day but I can complain I love hanging around the animals.” She beams

“Do you think you will ever leave”I ask her knowing I would be crazy if I was living in the middle of nowhere away from everybody

“I want to go travelling one day but I don’t think I’ll be able to”she says kicking stones along as we walk

“Whys that?”

Well dads getting old and he won’t be able to manage the farm for much longer and we really don’t have the money for it anyways.

We carry on talking all the way until we reach the town and I can see how excited she is and she’s wanting to go into every shop and I simply follow after her like some lost dog.

We walk into a candy shop and she buys a pick and mix bags with a few lollipops and we sit on a walk and share them and I notice the cinema. Opposite playing dazed and confused

“I love that film have you seen it” is at pointing to the title that’s in bold letter above the entrance. She shakes her head no way she has some kind of sweet in her mouth and quickly finishes it.

“I haven’t seen many films only when I go round your’e house I catch a few minutes of one. Can we go and watch it?”

“Yeah let’s go”we get off the walk and buy a ticket and I buy us a bucket of popcorn and we find our seats.

She seems to be enjoying the film and as much as I like the film my eyes aren’t in the screen they’re too focused on her. I lol down at her hand resting on the armrest and think about holding her hand but think she will find it weird I brush that idea off and tell myself to go for it and wait for the right moment.

While trying to watch the film I feel her smaller soft hand slide into mine softly squeezing it and my cheeks blush as red as our seats and look over at her to see what she’s doing but she’s too engrossed in the film to think anything of it she catches me staring at her and offers me the popcorn and I grab some and settle back in my seat and squeeze her hand a bit and savour this moment

Once the film has finished we levee the cinema and see that the sun is setting and we should get going home the whole way home she still hangs let go of my hand as we continue to talk and every word she says and everyone she smiles or laughs it just makes me like her even more

As we’re about to reach her house she says to me “Johnny I’m really glad that your here I was starting to go mad on that farm” she laughs at the last bit

“I’m glad too and maybe soon you can come visit me in LA I think you would really like it there”

“Yeah that seems nice”she says as we reach her house and she says goodbye and goes up her porch stairs now she’s just below my height before turning round and grabbing my face and pulling me in for a kiss.

I immediately kiss back and I can taste the sweetness of her lollipop on her lips and my hands wrap around her waist desperately trying to pull her even closer. As we both pull away I see her lips are pink and a bit swollen and she has a small blush coating her cheeks probably matching mine.

We hear her father shout out for her and we both chuckle a bit before she gives me one last kiss and going inside not before she gives me a small wave.

I don’t know how I’m gonna leave now that I’ve met her I think to myself

Hey guys I litch have been thinking about this since @kunntzsstuff @princessthatcantfuckingsleep and @pjknoxx posted their moodboards

Iike always feel free to request

-Liv

[babybammargera]

POV you’re the reckless grunge chick of the jackass crew

Always covered in bruises.

Getting scraped up and the boys covering you in cartoon bandaids (which are featured in most of your scenes at this point)

You’re like Steveo in the sense of documenting gnarly slams except you take pics with a Polaroid.

Longish nails that haven’t been broken during filming but are covered in chipped nail polish.

^Bam or Dunn probably painted them one drunk night bc they found a random nail polish at a party.

Nosebleeds from slamming are normal for you but surprisingly you haven’t broken it yet.

(as far as you know anyway)

Somehow always getting hurt in stunts when you’re paired up w Ryan or Steveo.

“Ow Ry your big ass foot went right into my ribs.”

Broke your arm within the same week Ryan did and Jeff was pissed.

He still refuses to let either of you hear the end of it.

He was also mortified seeing the two of you randomly smacking each other with your casts.

You bounce back from said injuries faster than most of the guys would.

And sometimes you pull off stunts the guys couldn’t and never let them live it down.

Annoying Spike Knoxville and Tremaine like it’s your job. Bc technically it is.

To be fair you bully all of them bc they do the same to you.

You’ve definitely tripped Dave before bc he made a sly comment as darf.

Honestly you probably need a shower but you’re still hot so.

Can’t keep up with things to save your life.

Never having clean clothes and ending up raiding all the guys luggage.

Like you’ve definitely stolen a pair of cleanish jeans from Steveo or Bam or Dunn.

And who knows how many shirts from the others.

CLUMSY

Not when it comes to stunts but outside of filming you trip on air or run into walls bc you’re not paying attention.

You’ve punched bam for laughing when it happens on more than one occasion